Proxemics

Personal space diagram

The study of personal space

In 1966 anthropologist Edward T. Hall coined the term proxemics to describe the study of how people perceive the proximity of others. Hall’s work was inspired by an animal study conducted by Swiss zoologist Heini Hediger, who found that animals maintained various boundaries depending on whether they were preparing to escape, to attack, to communicate with members of another species, or relating to a member of their own species.

Based on these insights, and after conducting his own research, Edward Hall developed the idea of a set of expanding circles, called reaction bubbles, that described how humans manage the space around them. The innermost circle he identified as Intimate space, reserved for those we are closest to, and usually measuring 6 to 18 inches (15 to 45cm) in radius. The next level up he dubbed Personal space, the distance we are comfortable maintaining with close friends, about 1.5 to 4 feet (0.5 to 1.2m). He used the term Social space to indicate our preferred proximity to acquaintances, about 5–12 feet (1.5–3.6m), and Public space for the distance we need for public speaking, 12–25 feet or more (3.6–7.6m).

This sounds very specific, but Hall himself acknowledged that these distances vary from culture to culture. While those from less-populated countries, or countries where individualism and privacy are highly valued, are more comfortable with larger spaces between themselves and others, in other cultures maintaining what is considered excessive distance can be perceived as rude or unfriendly.

As this video shows, Hall’s work on proxemics goes beyond reaction bubbles, but it is his idea of how we manage the space around us that has had the most long-lasting effect on popular culture.

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

Because in certain situations it is not always possible to keep our preferred distance from others—for example in crowded subway cars or elevators—we learn coping mechanisms to deal with our discomfort. Psychologists observe that individuals in these circumstances often avoid eye contact as a way to minimize the forced intimacy of close quarters. Another strategy we employ, according to psychologist Robert Sommer, is to dehumanize those around us, imagining them as inanimate objects in our personal space instead of the more anxiety-producing fellow creatures they are.

I think these strategies are in play in most large cities and in other situations where it’s is too threatening to acknowledge the close presence of others. My own discomfort is assuaged by passing others anonymously on a crowded sidewalk, or keeping to myself in a cramped airplane cabin. Of course, the illusion of space is shattered when I’m approached on the street, or when the passenger behind me starts kicking my chair. At these moments I feel my blood pressure rise, my stomach clench, and my temper grow short. While this reaction might be appropriate in truly life-threatening situations, nothing is at stake most of the time. Maybe knowing that I am responding only to a perceived threat to my safety will help me to remain calm the next time this happens. Then again, maybe not.

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on February 15, 2007.

Image credit: Jean-Louis Grall [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons


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Author: Morgen Jahnke

What can and cannot be included in a prenup?

Marriage can be complex. Nowadays, when two people decide to get married, it is a huge operation. However, the union itself is simple. Two individuals are bound legally. This can sound rather worrisome, as many couples enter the union with valuable assets of their own. However, there are ways to address this, such as including a prenuptial agreement in the marriage.

A prenuptial agreement or a prenup is a legal document that essentially outlines what will happen if a divorce occurs. While this document can dictate very specific details, it cannot address all areas of concern. There are some restrictions for a prenup, and if they are not followed, they could invalidate the document.

What can and cannot be included in a prenup? Let’s begin with a general overview of what can be addressed in a prenuptial agreement. A prenup can distinguish between marital and separate property, provide protections against the debt of the other spouse, provide for a child from a previous relationship, protect family property so it remains in the family, protect estate plans, provide directions for property division during dissolution and even describe the responsibilities of each spouse.

There are some issues that a prenup cannot address. This includes provisions that detail anything illegal, decisions regarding child support or custody, waiving the right to alimony, provisions that encourage divorce and provisions that detail personal instead of financial matters.

Drafting, enforcing or invalidating a prenuptial agreement can each be a daunting task. Thus, it is important that individuals or spouses understand what rights they have and what options are available to protect these rights. This not only helps establish a valid prenup but also ensures that it operates properly in the event of a divorce.


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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law

Online Lost-and-Found Services

A lost-and-found box

A better way to get your stuff back?

If you go to a coffee shop and leave your glasses, keys, or notebook on the table, chances are some honest citizen will turn the item in at the counter, and as long as you know where you left it, you can return later to claim it. Larger stores, stadiums, concert halls, theme parks and so on typically have central lost-and-found departments that serve the same purpose. But again, you must have at least a general idea of where an item was lost, and you can only hope that whoever found it didn’t decide just to keep it. (Lost-and-found departments are unlikely to have your lost camera, laptop, or wallet—at least not with the money still in it.) Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a general, all-purpose lost-and-found service that didn’t require you to know where your valuables went missing? And wouldn’t it be nice if there were an incentive for the finder to return your lost item rather than just pocketing it? These are precisely the ideas behind several online services.

The Carrot and the Sticker

In general, the programs require you to purchase tags, stickers, or labels of some kind and affix them to the things you want to keep track of. The person who finds your missing item can either call a toll-free number or visit a website and enter the ID number on the label. Depending on the service, the finder may then be informed of a reward for returning the item—and that may be one that you supply, or one that the service provides (paid for by your subscription fees). At this point, some services simply send you a message from the finder—allowing you to make your own arrangements for getting the item back. In other cases, the service arranges for anonymous return of the item (typically at your expense) and delivery of the reward to the finder.

Unfortunately, even the promise of a reward may not result in the return of items that have been stolen rather than simply misplaced. However, if stolen goods are later recovered by the police, the ID tags provide a way for them to get in touch with the rightful owner and arrange for return of the goods. When police confiscate stolen property and can’t determine who owns it, it is often sold at auction.

The idea for online lost-and-found services actually came from a very successful program called the National Bike Registry (NBR) that is endorsed by many police departments (and recently merged with another bike recovery service called 529 Garage. Like more general lost-and-found services, NBR provides you with a tamper-resistant ID label for your bike which includes a URL and a toll-free phone number. Since missing bikes are much more likely to have been stolen than lost, though, it is rare for anyone other than law enforcement officials to use the service.

Fringe Benefits

Though not their main purpose, there is reason to believe ID labels provide a deterrent to theft. Because the labels are tamper-resistant, they cannot be removed cleanly, making resale of stolen goods more difficult. Although these lost-and-found services are still small enough not to have aroused much interest in the insurance industry, the potential certainly exists for reduced premiums for people who use the ID tags, as they decrease the probability that an insurer would have to pay the cost of a missing item.

Lost-and-found services offer labels in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and materials to be used with almost any imaginable product. For example, ReturnMe sells skinny labels that can fit unobtrusively on eyeglasses and sunglasses, as well as metal key tags, luggage tags, and even pet tags. The presence of the tags on your stuff help to ensure you don’t suffer for forgetting to pick up that umbrella or briefcase when you step off the train or out of the restaurant.

Since I originally wrote about these services back in 2003, there’s been a lot of change in the industry. BoomerangIt, at one time the largest online lost-and-found service, changed ownership in 2016 and currently has only a minimally functional website that claims it’s in the process of being renovated. Meanwhile, competitor StuffBak shut down in 2005, and its former customers are now being served by ReturnMe, which appears to be leading this category at the moment. Although Yellowtag is still operating in the U.K., MicroTrax (a U.S. company) and Trackitback (a Canadian company) are apparently no more. Or…maybe they’re just lost. If you see a lost-and-found company on the sidewalk, be sure to check for a tag. There could be a reward if you return it!

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on May 22, 2003, and again in a slightly revised form on January 9, 2005.

Image credit: Paul Gorbould [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons


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Author: Joe Kissell

My Amazing Free Haul from the Clothes and Houseware Share

Children grow so fast! It seems like just yesterday that I came home with so many new clothes for my kids, and yet, my kids keep growing out of them and telling me “Mommy, I need new clothes”. Do that times four and you have quite a pricey proposition.

For that reason, I’m so glad that I know about a “clothes and houseware share” in the nearby city that lets you get whatever you need,


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Author: Penniless Parenting

Here Is Why Modern Dermatologists Recommend Using Only Organic Beauty Products

I used to think that, in terms of health, it only mattered what you put into your mouth, but not what you put on your skin. Then I learned that your skin, as one of the biggest organs in your body, absorbs what you put onto it, and you need to be careful there. Here’s some tips from a reader about how to choose healthy skin care products.

As a person who is very cautious about skin, it


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Author: Penniless Parenting

Miletello v. R M R Mechanical, Inc.

(United States Fifth Circuit) – Held that a deceased man’s ex-wife was entitled to a specified portion of his 401(k) retirement account balance. Affirmed a summary judgment ruling, in a dispute between his ex-wife and his widow.


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When a judge changes their mind

One can imagine that it must be very difficult for a party who believes they have succeeded with their case to find that success snatched away from them at the last moment. However, sometimes judges change their mind about decisions they have to make.

As its name suggests, this is what happened in the High Court case H v T (Judicial Change of Mind), which concerned an appeal by a husband against a financial remedies order. The final hearing in the case took place in May last year, but the judgment has only recently been published on the Bailii website.

For the purpose of this post I don’t need to go into too much detail regarding the facts of the case, or the financial remedies order. The parties were married for sixteen years, and have three children. Divorce proceedings took place in 2016, and the wife made a financial remedies application. That application was heard by His Honour Judge O’Dwyer, who awarded the wife some 68% of the capital assets.

The husband appealed. The appeal was heard by Mr Justice MacDonald in the High Court. He explained the ground of appeal, which was that:

“The learned Judge was wrong when he failed to make adequate capital provision for the husband when he awarded the wife at least 68% of the capital assets in circumstances where (1) the wife could re-house at a level the learned Judge found was appropriate without making any, or any significant, departure from equality; and/or (2) the husband was also ordered to pay considerable child maintenance and school fees.”

After hearing the appeal Mr Justice MacDonald circulated a draft judgment to the parties’ lawyers, which indicated that he intended to allow the appeal to the extent of varying the lump sum order made by Judge O’Dwyer, as he considered that Judge O’Dwyer’s award had exceeded the wife’s identified housing need.

It is important to explain here that a judge’s decision in a case is not final until their judgment is handed down. Sending out a draft judgment is not the same as handing it down. The purpose of sending out a draft is to give the lawyers the opportunity to check the judgment, and suggest any corrections or amendments. Normally, the suggestions will relate to relatively minor issues, such as typographical errors, rather than the decision itself. The judge will then consider those suggestions, and make any appropriate corrections or amendments to the draft, before handing down the judgment.

In this case the wife’s counsel, upon receiving the draft, invited Mr Justice MacDonald to reconsider the conclusions expressed in his draft judgment, given “what she contended was a significant material omission in the figures that underpinned those conclusions.” Specifically, he had failed to take into account purchase costs when looking at the wife’s housing need. Whilst not mentioning them specifically, Judge O’Dwyer had taken purchase costs into account, as the wife’s counsel explained, and thus his award provided for the wife’s identified housing need exactly.

This was accepted by Mr Justice MacDonald, who therefore changed his mind, and decided to dismiss the husband’s appeal. He had this to say about the change of mind:

“Whilst I had not formally handed down judgment, and, accordingly, … there was nothing to prevent this change of mind following careful reconsideration … I am conscious that judicial tergiversation [i.e. change of mind] is, rightly, not encouraged. Not least in this case because the husband will have considered himself successful by reference to the draft, only for the court to reach the opposite conclusion in the judgment handed down. Against this however, … a judge must have the courage and intellectual honesty to admit and correct an error or omission and, … in doing so is honouring his or her judicial oath. In the circumstances, whilst, as I can attest, it is an uncomfortable exercise for the judge, particularly where the error or omission acts to change the decision handed down in draft, and is disappointing for the litigant who believed they had been successful, a judge is duty bound to correct his or her omission or error. To do otherwise would not be just.”

I’m sure that the husband would have found the change of mind hard to accept, but obviously, judges can make mistakes just like anyone else, and those mistakes, once brought to light, must be corrected. Normally this will entail correction on appeal, but if the mistake is brought to light before a decision is handed down, then that decision must itself be changed.

You can read the full report of the case here.

The post When a judge changes their mind appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: John Bolch

InterPlay

Silhouettes of people dancing

Getting grown-ups back into their bodies

There’s an old joke that I’ve heard attributed, in one form or another, to numerous religious groups. It goes: “Why do Baptists (or Methodists, or Mennonites, or Jews, or whatever) prohibit premarital sex? Because it could lead to dancing.” The implication, obviously, is that the group’s taboo against dancing is so strong that it overshadows the moral principle that gave rise to it in the first place; dancing becomes not just a potential path to evil but an evil in and of itself. One of the theological views that sometimes motivates this position is that the body (or “flesh”) is inherently sinful or corrupt, and must be ruthlessly subjugated to the purer values of the spirit. This was certainly the view of the religious tradition in which I grew up. Any activity that even suggested carnal pleasure outside strictly delimited boundaries was an immoral concession to humanity’s fallen nature.

Although this sort of thinking may be an extreme example, it’s indicative of a broader and older cultural trend, which some people refer to as the “mind-body split.” Whether you trace this trend back to Cartesian dualism, the early days of Christianity, or some other source, it amounts to a belief that the body is somehow an ontologically separate entity from the mind (or “soul” or “spirit”). Perhaps the two are even in competition or conflict with each other. Even if, as adults, we recognize that by implicitly accepting this split we’ve become disintegrated and unbalanced, it’s difficult to reprogram ourselves to recover that sense of being a single, unified whole. A practice called InterPlay exists to encourage that process by helping people to rediscover and express one of their most basic, primal needs: play.

Play Time

Children, of course, have no trouble playing, and kids seem to engage in play with their whole beings—what InterPlayers refer to as “mindful presence.” That, in a nutshell, is what InterPlay seeks to restore to adults who have lost all sense of how easy it is to have fun. As we grow older, we tend to take ourselves more and more seriously. Although that is useful in some respects, InterPlay is a reminder that we never outgrow the need for play.

What does InterPlay mean by “play”? Not the things adults usually mean—sports, board games, gambling, and so on. In a sense, play can be anything that’s enjoyable, but some of the specific activities that make up InterPlay are deep breathing, telling stories, singing, stillness, hand movements, and yes, dancing—all done with a relaxed (and often goofy) attitude. InterPlayers realize that the people who most need to learn how to play sometimes have mental blocks about the very idea of dance, or perhaps even resistance to more basic notions like movement or touch. So their practices are carefully designed to put participants at ease and ensure that everyone feels safe as they learn gradually to “let go.” You may think you’re making a fool of yourself, but so is everyone else; the freedom for each person to be equally silly without judgments or comparisons is part of InterPlay’s basic philosophy.

InterPlayers learn to identify judgments they may have unconsciously made about themselves and release them. Since other participants are not judging you, you learn to silence your inner critic as well. So taking part in InterPlay activities is something like a cross between group therapy and improv comedy. InterPlay teaches participants to become more spontaneous and creative, to better handle stress, change, and uncertainty, and to be more effective collaborators.

Playground as Church

Although many InterPlayers become involved out of a desire to free themselves of certain religious baggage, the practice itself has no religious (or anti-religious) agenda. Instead, it espouses the viewpoint that spirituality is a subset of play, and that to the extent we can discover our true selves, we become better equipped to experience deeper levels of reality. Those who feel a spiritual path must be one of great seriousness and asceticism are challenged to think about spirituality in a more relaxed, light-hearted way.

InterPlay creators Cynthia Winton-Henry and Phil Porter met while attending seminary in Berkeley, California in the late 1970s. They have collaborated ever since. After developing the basic philosophy of InterPlay, they formed a nonprofit organization called Body Wisdom to provide a structure for teaching InterPlay and training other leaders. InterPlay groups have sprung up all over the world; the activities are also taught in such diverse settings as corporations, churches, hospitals, and prisons. Body Wisdom’s current headquarters, called InterPlayce, opened in downtown Oakland, California in 2004.

I have several friends who practice InterPlay, including one who’s a regional leader and was once on Body Wisdom’s board of directors. Although I myself am not an InterPlayer, I’ve noticed that simply by interacting with people who are, I’ve gotten sucked into the wonderful vortex of playfulness that they embody. And that’s exactly what InterPlay is all about: spreading the benign contagion of play.

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on May 17, 2005.

Image credit: Pixabay


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Author: Joe Kissell

Habitual Residence v Residence: What is required and do we have clarity at last?

The family courts in England and Wales are renowned for being a popular destination for wealthy and warring international couples. So much so, that London has been dubbed the divorce capital of the world with people racing to file a petition in England so that our courts determine the financial split (if this can not be achieved amicably).

However, last week’s decision in the High Court case of Pierburg v Pierburg may, at last, bring clarification to a long-standing debate concerning how to establish whether the court has jurisdiction to deal with a divorce.

We asked Senior Partner, Julian Hawkhead, to join us on the blog to look at the case and the implications for international divorce cases.

Last week a decision of the High Court was handed down which may, at last, bring clarification to a long-standing debate concerning how to establish whether the court has jurisdiction to deal with a divorce.

As has been explained in previous articles in this blog, where there is more than one EU jurisdiction in which divorce proceedings could be commenced, the EU regulations apply.

In the case of Pierburg v Pierburg, the parties were both German nationals, they had resided since the early 2000s in Switzerland for tax reasons but had taken a rental property in London, mainly because their son had been educated here. When the marriage broke down, the wife in or around July / August 2017 moved into the London property. Her time spent between London and Switzerland was carefully counted by the husband, indeed as were all her movements between the two countries, and her visits back to Germany to see her parents from 2015 onwards.

In January 2018, the wife issued proceedings in England on the alternative bases of (a) having been domiciled in England and resident here for 6 months or (b) having been resident in England for 12 months. The reason for the alternative pleading being the fact that they had held the tenancy of the London property as a rental property for many years prior and that she had regularly spent time in England. A month later, in February 2018, the husband issued in Germany. The German court quickly adjourned the German divorce proceedings until the legitimacy of the English proceedings had been determined as the English proceedings had been issued first.

What is clearly at stake here is a financial benefit. When the parties married in Germany back in 1985 they entered into a separation of assets marital regime in which the wife would also not be entitled to any maintenance provision. The English court, however, would be very likely not to regard such a financial prohibition as fair and would award her substantial maintenance whether in the form of regular payments or more likely a capitalised maintenance sum to provide for her lifelong needs. The husband was resisting England having jurisdiction to prevent this and to limit her financial entitlement by a stricter approach as would be adopted in German.

The case involved substantial assets and high powered people. The husband had made his fortune in the German automotive industry. They lived in a Chateau in French-speaking Switzerland (it was a feature of the husband’s case that the wife had never settled into Switzerland and had not attempted to learn or speak French), the son of the parties was educated at a boarding school in England and they had taken a house in London. The wife called upon the Countess of Chichester and the Chief Executive of the Prince’s Foundation as witnesses of her move to and connections with England.

What is the law concerning jurisdiction?

Article 3 of Council Regulations (EC) no 2201/2003  says that jurisdiction in relation to a divorce shall lie with the courts of the EU member state in various scenarios. I won’t go through them in detail here but they can be found in previous blogs here.

The relevant ones for the purpose of this case were:-

The applicant is habitually resident if he or she resided there for at least a year immediately before the application was made;

or

The applicant is habitually resident if he or she resided there for at least six months immediately before the application was made and…in the case of the United Kingdom and Ireland, has his or her “domicile” there.

As mentioned above, the wife sought to rely on pleading both these reasons scenarios in her divorce petition.

The debate that has been ongoing since 2007, in which there were two decisions concerning the basis for establishing jurisdiction through the habitual residence. In the case of Marinos the then Mr Justice Munby took a very literal interpretation of the words habitual residence and residence. He decided that to establish “habitual residence” one needed to be only resident, or living in a jurisdiction for the requisite period of time. This meant that if a person issued a petition on say 1 September 2017, they only needed to have lived for periods of time for the twelve months prior to that time if they couldn’t also evidence domicile there or six months if they could. It is possible to have more than one residence.

Habitual residence, however, has a much stricter definition and a person can only have one habitual residence so that in this case if the habitual residence was the determining factor the wife was either habitually resident in Switzerland or in England.

In the case of Munro, Mr Justice Bennett took an alternative interpretation of the Council regulations namely that to establish habitual residence you had to have been habitually resident and not merely resident in a country for the requisite period of time.

Is this just semantics, lawyers just playing with words? Not at all as the importance is very different and is key to the six and twelve-month timescales to enable a person to establish jurisdiction.

When the regulations first came into effect an explanatory note was produced by Dr Algeria Borras in what is known as the Borras report. The problem has arisen that when this explanatory note was translated into different languages, the word habitual was left out in the English and coincidentally the German translations.

The husband’s legal team, however, showed to the court how in the French, Dutch, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese versions,  by way of example,  the need for the habitual residence was clear. In the English version of that report, it merely says “he or she must have resided there for at least six months”. Therefore supporting the Marinos interpretation of the regulations. However, in this recent case, Mr Justice Moor preferred the husband’s arguments and took a wider view of how the EU regulations had been interpreted around Europe. His attention was brought to the fact that in Finland, Latvia and Sweden, for example, the word “habitual” was not used at all.

Considering all the circumstances of the case Mr Justice Moor came down firmly in favour of the Munro interpretation: namely that to establish habitual residence a person needs to have been habitually resident and not merely resident in a country for the requisite period of time.

He recognised that this might be regarded as controversial as he was disagreeing with the opinions of only the then Mr Justice Munby who went on to become not only a Lord Justice but also the President of the Family Division but also the then Mr Justice Peter Jackson who is now sitting as Lord Justice of Appeal. He points out however that they did not have the benefits of the convincing arguments that he had heard in his particular case.

What then ensued in the case was a forensic examination of the wife’s movements between England and Switzerland from the time she said she was resident in England namely from July 2017 onwards. The reason being that the Judge had to determine three questions:

  1. When did the wife become habitually resident in England and Wales?

  2. Did she become resident (rather than habitually resident) on a different date just in case the Judge’s interpretation of the Marinos / Munro debate was incorrect?

  3. Is she domiciled in England and Wales?

The Judge in reaching his decision draws the distinction between residing somewhere and visiting it. A person can reside in England and visit their own holiday home in another country. He also assessed the extent of her ongoing connections with Germany and in doing so reaches the conclusion that the wife had not changed her domicile to England by 12 January 2018 when she issued her divorce petition. In reviewing all the circumstances of the case the Judge found that the wife could not establish jurisdiction in England at the time she issued her petition and therefore the petition had to be struck out.

Ultimately this is a case motivated by money. The husband’s legal team freely admitted that it related to the financial remedies available to the wife if the divorce is progressed in England rather than Germany as in Germany, according to the marriage contract she would not be entitled to anything including maintenance.

It would, in English law be a travesty for her to receive nothing at all and Mr Justice Moor observes that if remains the case then she may be entitled to bring a claim for financial relief following an overseas divorce under Part III of the Matrimonial and Family Proceedings Act 1984 and he deliberately reserves any such application to himself.

It seems to me this is a stark warning to the husband to ensure that regardless of what the German law may provide he should consider making some acceptable level of financial provision to the wife to ensure fairness is achieved.

Conclusion

This case does bring further weight and clarity to the question of how to interpret habitual residence. Only last year I had a case where the parties had been residing in Spain for many years and then the wife unexpectedly came back to England and commenced divorce proceedings claiming that she was domiciled here and had been resident here for six months prior to issuing the petition. Fortunately, we were able to reach a financial settlement agreement which meant that the parties did not need to spend a significant amount of money arguing about jurisdiction.

The terms of our Brexit from Europe may, of course, put a completely different spin our these regulations and there is plenty of guidance issued looking at different scenarios. What seems likely at the moment is that we will not have a hard Brexit in which case overnight all these EU regulations will fall away and it is likely that we will continue to have a relationship with Europe in some shape or form in which these regulations are likely to continue to apply in some way yet to be finally determined.

In the meantime, what is of vital importance is timing. If there is a case of a possible jurisdiction race then it is essential you seek legal advice at the earliest opportunity from lawyers who specialise in a divorce involving international issues.

Get in touch 

If you require any further advice or information please contact Holly Lamb,  Head of International Family Law

 

The post Habitual Residence v Residence: What is required and do we have clarity at last? appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: Julian Hawkhead