Mediation is not about winning

When a divorce case goes to court, both sides tend to think about one thing: winning the case. It feels like it is them against their ex as they debate who gets to spend time with the children or who will keep which assets — and much more.

If you instead choose mediation, is it very important to change this mindset. Remember that it is not about winning, being right or showing that your ex is wrong. Instead, it’s about working together to reach an outcome that is favorable and works for both of you.

In some cases, you may both feel unsatisfied with parts of the agreement. It happens. Maybe you wanted to see the children every week, for instance, and so did your spouse. What works best, though, is an every-other-week schedule, so that’s what you do. You both wish you could see them more often, but you know it’s best for the children to see both parents, so you compromise to make it happen.

This spirit of compromise and cooperation is what makes mediation work. You and your ex are trying to solve a complex legal situation, and you’re trying to do it together. You’re working toward a solution that puts the children first, or if you’re not parents, that makes the divorce go smoothly and efficiently. If that’s what you’re committed to, mediation can succeed.

Whether you’re interested in mediation, a collaborative divorce or a contested divorce that has to play out in the court system, just make sure you know what legal steps you need to take.