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Author: Kinja! on Kinja Roundup, shared by Virginia K. Smith to Lifehacker
In 2004, after being shot by an unknown assailant, one Australian man encountered some disturbing information from Google search results. Revealed in image searches and even filled in by Google’s autocomplete searches was his own name, linked with the names of local criminals, mobsters to be exact.
This false information nearly cost him his very life. Yet, it was still plastered over the front page of Google search results begging the question – if it’s on Google, does it even matter if it’s true or not?
Today, Google handles over 3.5 billion searches every day, a portion of which is simply folks searching for their own names. Millennials lead many previous generations in self-searches for reasons ranging from satisfying their curiosity to damage control.
Among Gen Zers, the younger post-millennial generation, more than one in ten even do so daily. Personal name inquiries to Google aren’t just a young person’s game, however; even boomers aren’t immune to the temptation.
Among the generations:
In Googling oneself, many people aren’t too happy with what they find, be it true information or otherwise. In fact, only one in five people who self-search actually find relevant and accurate information about themselves, most of it either outdated or in reference to a different person with the same name.
Common outcomes include:
Though accounting for one very extreme case, the situation of this Australian man is something we should consider as a warning. The false information that was revealed to him, unfortunately, didn’t stop there, reminding us that what we can see when we search on Google for our own name is also what other people can see as well.
This can include potential employers, as they are the most likely to do a full background search, including a Google search, on their candidates. Cyber criminals are ever lurking in the shadows of the internet. For them, Google is a trove of valuable and potentially compromising information on their victims.
Americans love their social media and are willfully sharing more information about themselves than ever. That said, half of Americans also believe that their information is less secure than it was five years ago. But where do we point the finger other than towards ourselves?
Habits of oversharing come along with their own interpersonal annoyances, but very perceptive criminals and scammers see it as opportunity.
On top of social media, two in three Americans use at least one other online secure account for managing personal data. All told, the average American frequents three different sites containing personal data. Though each account is (hopefully) protected with unique login credentials, including passwords, criminals can still use this information against you.
Much like slapping together a ransom note with letters cut from a magazine, cyber criminals know exactly where to look for information. All together, this creates a pretty comprehensive picture of a victim with information ranging from technical data, like account numbers or passwords, to personal information which include security question answers and even personality traits.
Among adults online:
Cyber criminals prey on vulnerable individuals from the very young, the very old to the very lonely. What we get is hyper-targeted cyber attacks from email phishing to dating site cat-fishing.
The answer could be just a Google search away. Take control of your online data and keep it out of the wrong hands by Googling yourself on a regular basis.
Detailed in this infographic is the current state of online security, how far Google searches can really go, and what it takes to keep your online slate clean in the face of employers and criminals alike.
Source: SocialCatfish.com
The post Should You Be Googling Yourself? appeared first on Dumb Little Man.
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Author: Brian Wallace
If you are going through a transition, you’d know how it feels.
You may be confused, disorganized or even frustrated. You don’t know what’s what anymore and life doesn’t make sense.
It used to be logical and you used to know what to do. Now, it’s all up in the air. I know, because I’ve been there and in this article, I’ll give you five quick ways to deal with it.
Before a new order can emerge, there’ll be chaos. Similarly, whenever you are about to have a breakthrough, you will experience confusion and chaos.
Confusion really is a prerequisite state in order for us to have breakthrough experiences. This means that whenever you feel confused, there is something happening within you.
It doesn’t always seem like that but once you get through to the other side, you will see that something has changed for the better. The same thing happens when you learn something new.
At first, you feel confused and it just doesn’t make sense. But when you return to the material a few days or weeks later, you suddenly understand more than you did before.
Do you feel like your whole life is crumbling away?
Again, this is just an external manifestation of point #1 above. Whenever you feel confused, accept whatever goes on within you. It may be hard in the beginning, because it’s scary to face your fears and other negative emotions.
Most people try to run away from them and you can probably guess where that leads. Just take a look around you and see how happy most people are (hint: they are miserable).
Look inside and breath into your emotions. Accept whatever is there and get curious about what kind of shape your feelings are, what kind of color, and how they move within your body. It sounds weird, but it works when you are willing to try it.
The more you let go of the old, the easier your life will be. When you try to hold on, you suffer.
Letting go means being open to new ideas. Everything is constantly coming and going. The job you once had no longer exists but when the door closes, another one opens.
The problem is that most people stay and knock at the closed door for the rest of their life. Then, they wonder why no one is opening the door.
This doesn’t have to happen, because you can open your mind, release the old, and embrace the new. This is scary, because it is the unknown and we, as humans, tend to like what’s familiar. At some point, we will hold onto negative emotions and behaviors rather than let them go just because they are more familiar.
It’s a bit scary when you put it like that, isn’t it?
If you want to speed up your progress, I recommend you work with someone. I’m not talking about a psychotherapist. I’m talking about something like a qualified NLP practitioner, a hypnotherapist, or even a good EFT practitioner.
The reason I make these statements is because in my life, the biggest changes have happened by using NLP and both myself and my clients. You can’t always see where you are stuck and that is where another fresh pair of eyes comes in.
The problem is that most people don’t like to ask for help, because it is viewed as a sign of weakness in today’s society. I used to think like this as well, but I didn’t start to really excel until I started opening up and getting feedback.
It might be something for you to consider, or not. It’s always up to you.
See Also: How Personal Counseling Helps Mental Health and Addiction
This cycle will continually repeat itself, because that’s what cycles do. Just like a wave builds up and crashes and returns to the sea, so will your life have its ups and downs. The sooner you accept the fact, the better you will feel. You will go through confusion and clarity over and over again. It’s a part of life.
The bottom line is that most confusion and conflict is created within you. That means that you alone hold the keys to your salvation.This isn’t easy for most people to accept, which is why they might dismiss an article like this. In the end, only you can make a difference in your life. Will you?
Written by Henri Junttila, writer at Wake Up Cloud where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).
The post 5 Quick Ways to Deal With the Confusion and Conflict Within You appeared first on Dumb Little Man.
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Author: Henri Junttila
Let’s take the example of starting an Internet business as our model to see how to overcome your obstacles. Here are 5 of the most common ones you may come across while seeking your goal:
You’ve read the books, taken the teleclasses, and studied the websites. You’re on information overload, so you go into analysis paralysis which means you do nothing.
Solution: Pick one person to study and go with that model. One of the earliest Internet success stories was Corey Rudl and after he died, Derek Gehl took over. So, if I were building an Internet business, I would choose him as my role mode., I’d read his website, buy his products, and take his courses.
Many people get lost after they decide to pursue a certain goal. Most goals are merely a progression from where you are to where you want to be. You need a clear plan from A to Z so that there’s no guesswork.
Solution: Derek Gehl, for example, has a 30-step action plan that can keep you on course.
We often are enthusiastic about achieving a certain goal, but fail to do our homework before embarking on the course.
Solution: Before you set out on your goal, figure out the amount of time you will need, the costs you will incur, and the resources you will need to obtain and use. For our particular goal of launching an internet business, these could include software for auto responders, shopping carts, eBooks, a copywriter to write your sales page, and at least 2 hours a day to learn the specifics of online marketing.
If you don’t have the mindset and attitude of a winner, you have less chance of succeeding.
Solution: Find successful online marketers and study them. Talk to them and listen to their language. Adopt the mindset of success by thinking and speaking positively. Adopt the attitude of success by seeing obstacles as opportunities and setbacks as feedback.
You may hit some roadblocks and get stuck, not knowing what to do next. On any journey, support and guidance are essential. On a road trip, it’s your map or GPS system. For an online business, it’s experienced marketers.
Solution: Find a mentor, coach, teacher, friend or joint venture partner. It can be anyone who will hold your hand, guide you, support you until you reach your goal. Then, you can celebrate together!
Written by David B. Bohl, the author of Slow Down Fast.
See Also: How to Set Goals When You Have No Idea What You Want
The post The 5 Most Common Obstacles That Keep You From Reaching Your Goals appeared first on Dumb Little Man.
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Author: SJW
Lately I’ve been fantasizing about my dream house, as well as musing on unconventional building designs. Perhaps I have hobbit blood; for me, the idea of a cozy and inviting dwelling is one without many right angles, giving it an organic, somewhat cavelike feel. Although I have always lived in buildings with conventional vertical walls, I picture a home in which each room is a different shape, with rounded corners, curved ceilings, and angled doors. In a concession to gravity, I’ll leave the floor flat and level for the most part. Without a doubt, at least one room must be completely circular—no matter how hard it is to buy furniture or hang artwork. And of course, my ideal home would be sturdy, secure, economical to build, and highly energy-efficient.
All these tastes would seem to make me an excellent candidate to own a monolithic concrete dome house. Like geodesic domes, this type of building encloses a large amount of area with a minimum of material and offers a distinctive, unconventional shape. Despite these similarities, the two types of dome building are very, very different when it comes to construction materials and techniques, not to mention some of the characteristics of the finished product.
The word “monolithic” in this sense simply means “in one piece”—not necessarily massive. As compared to geodesic domes constructed out of hundreds of triangular pieces of wood or metal, a monolithic concrete dome is a single, contiguous surface of reinforced concrete. What makes these domes particularly noteworthy is the modern method of building them.
In decades past, building a concrete dome meant creating a pile of dirt in the desired size and shape, pouring concrete over it, and then digging out the inside after the concrete had set. This was a long and labor-intensive process—and it required you to have a sufficient quantity of earth at your disposal as well as the means of moving (and removing) it. Thanks to a patented process invented in the late 1970s, monolithic concrete domes can be built in a matter of days without any heavy equipment at all. The secret is to build it from the outside in.
The process begins with a fairly ordinary concrete foundation—typically in the shape of a ring. A heavy-duty, dome-shaped “balloon” known as an airform is affixed to the foundation and inflated by special fans. Using a spray pump, the builder applies a thick layer of polyurethane foam to the inside of this balloon; the foam provides insulation as well as a bit of structural support for the remainder of the building process. Next, the builder attaches a steel rebar framework to the inside of the foam, and finally applies a sprayable concrete mixture known as shotcrete. The shotcrete reaches a thickness of about 3 inches (8cm), embedding the rebar and forming a reinforced concrete shell. Then the fan is turned off and the interior and exterior of the dome are finished using conventional materials (such as stucco). The airform, by the way, remains permanently in place, serving as an extra moisture barrier on the outside of the dome.
Concrete domes are strong—highly resistant to damage by earthquake, hurricane, or wind (even tornadoes). Because concrete is not flammable, the shell itself is fireproof, and also invulnerable to termites and other pests. And since concrete is a good insulator, monolithic concrete domes are extremely energy-efficient. Although the materials used to build a concrete dome are expensive, you need relatively little of them, so the cost of a monolithic concrete dome is comparable to that of a wood frame building of similar size. Since the cost savings increase with the size of the building, concrete domes are becoming an increasingly popular choice for churches, gymnasiums, arenas, storage facilities, and even airplane hangars.
For all their benefits, though, concrete domes are by no means perfect. For instance, they tend to trap moisture inside, making a dehumidifier or air conditioner mandatory except in very dry climates. And of course they have the same problems all dome houses have. Their geometry does not work well in narrow urban lots. Furnishing, decorating, and cleaning a dome home can be challenging. You may have difficulty obtaining financing or insurance for such a nonstandard design. And you may have to contend with neighbors who are concerned about their own homes’ resale value with that alien spacecraft parked next door.
But a “dome” need not look that unusual after all. The airforms used to create monolithic concrete domes can be made in nearly any shape. Although you probably wouldn’t use them to make a cube, there’s no reason a building made in this fashion has to be a perfect dome either. A single custom-made airform can also be used to make a series of interconnected domes, and can include extensions, insets, cutouts, and augmentations—making it possible to integrate doorways, window frames, carports, or anything else you’d like into the shell of your building. Domes can even have multiple levels.
On that hypothetical future day when I can afford to build the home of my dreams, I may or may not choose a monolithic concrete dome. Pyramids have a lot going for them too, and then there’s always the classic elegance of a castle. I’ll cross that drawbridge when I get to it.
Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on August 3, 2004.
Image credit: Joe Tordiff [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
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Author: Joe Kissell
J.R.R. Tolkien—author of The Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Silmarillion, and other less-famous works—was born on January 3, 1892. I barely know where to begin extolling the virtues of this literary genius, so I’ll simply say: happy 127th birthday! I’d also like to take this opportunity to remind readers (especially those from places that are not in the United Kingdom) that “Tolkien” is not pronounced like the word “token” with an added L, so please stop saying it that way. It’s /ˈtɒlkiːn/, thanks very much—the first vowel is the one in “body,” and the second is the one in “see.” I think we can all make the extra effort to produce the correct vowel sounds in his name, considering all he’s done for us!
Image credit: Julian Nitzsche [CC BY-SA 3.0], from Wikimedia Commons
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Author: Joe Kissell
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It is never easy to make the decision to move forward with divorce. For most Texas couples, the step comes after months or years of difficulty, discussions and disagreements. Even if you think you are ready to end your marriage, it can still be beneficial to carefully consider every aspect of your decision.
Divorce will impact every member of your family, your finances and virtually every aspect of your life. If you are not sure that this is the right course of action for you at this time, it is helpful to take the time to think about your options before you move forward. Ending a marriage is a major legal and financial decision, and it is not a choice that a person should take lightly.
Helpful questions as you consider your options
Celebrity divorces that you may see on television or read about in the newspaper are often contentious and lengthy. You may see the headlines about these divorces and wonder if this is the right step for you. Celebrity divorces are often a poor example of what divorce is like for the average couple. In fact, you may be to finalize your divorce without going to court.
As you think about what is ahead for you, it may help to ask yourself the following questions:
It is smart to also consider the emotional impact of divorce. While it can be a challenging process, it may be the right path for you to secure a stable and secure future. One way to make divorce easier is to prepare well for what is ahead, know your rights and keep the best interests of your children as the main priority.
Protecting your future starts now
Divorce will affect your future in various ways, but it is possible to secure a final order that is reasonable and sustainable. Many people getting ready to divorce will find benefit in learning about what to expect from the process and how they can avoid complications as much as possible.
If this is the right choice for you, you do not have to walk through it alone. Before you begin, an assessment of your case and explanation of your options can be helpful. This allows you to make prudent choices and move forward with confidence.
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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law
The first episode of Stowe guests in 2019 sees us catch-up back again with Claire Black from Claire Black Divorce Coaching.
Going through a divorce and managing life after separation especially over Christmas and New Year can be extremely difficult. This time of year, we often find ourselves reflecting on the previous year and what the new one will bring us. Claire is on the blog today to offer her seven tips for how to handle difficult emotions during and after divorce.
I understand that the emotions you experience during a break up can be overwhelming. I know that during my divorce, I found the roller coaster of emotions exhausting, and small things could easily tip me over the edge. I found my emotions confusing, as they seemed to shift every day, every hour, even minute by minute.
Sometimes I felt afraid, sometimes angry, resentful, lonely, overwhelmed, disappointed, regretful, hurt, shocked, worried, relieved, guilty. The feelings were intense and sometimes contradictory, so it’s no wonder I was confused.
Although there is no “quick fix”, here are 7 ways to help yourself dial down your negative emotions.
Avoid destructive patterns
Some people deal (or rather don’t deal) with the difficult emotions that they feel by stuffing them down, or through drugs or partying and drinking more than normal, or by working long hours, in the hope that the emotions will go away on their own. Others try to blame someone else for their feelings. Sadly, none of these approaches will work long term, and they can become destructive patterns, meaning that you never actually deal with the emotions that you are feeling.
Give yourself permission to feel
Let’s get away from thinking of those emotions as “negative”, implying that they are somehow bad. Your emotions are messengers from your body, letting you know when something is wrong, or hurting, or needs to be examined. Feeling those emotions is part of the process towards healing and recovery. If you don’t feel them, they stay stuck inside and can have a detrimental effect on your health, your stress levels and your ability to heal. So be kind to yourself, listen to your body. Remind yourself that it is OK and normal to cry.
Take each day as it comes and leave each day behind each night. If you’ve had a difficult day, put it behind you – tomorrow is a new day.
Acknowledge your feelings
Notice and name your feelings as they come and go. Simply identifying your feelings will start to diminish their hold over you. Writing down all your negative emotions, fears, worries, concerns and stresses in a journal, or on a big piece of paper may also help as it gets the feelings out of your head and onto paper.
“Journaling is like whispering to oneself and listening at the same time”, Mina Murray, Dracula
Use your physiology to help you
The mind and body are connected, so how you carry your body will affect how you feel. Try this exercise and see what happens.
First, stand or sit as you would when you feel sad or lonely, and notice how your posture makes you feel. Ask yourself how you would like to feel instead: Confident? Strong? Empowered? Happy? Then ask yourself how you would sit or stand differently if you were feeling that positive emotion. Now practice standing in that way. Notice that by changing your body posture, it is possible to feel differently.
Do this when you walk too – look up, take in the horizon rather than looking at the ground, and notice how it influences how you feel.
Shift your focus
Don’t just focus on noticing the difficult emotions – look for times when you feel positive emotions too. What makes you smile or laugh? Smiling and laughing makes your body produce endorphins, the body’s feel-good hormones, so actively seek to do things that you enjoy, and which make you smile. Watch a movie you love, listen to music that uplifts you, sing loudly, take your children out to run on the beach or in the woods, cuddle your pet – whatever works for you.
What you think about and focus on will influence your actions and results. Don’t focus on your ex and his/her new partner, and don’t follow them on social media as this will feed the negative feelings you may have.
Instead, shift your focus on to YOU – what do you enjoy? What do you like to do? Shift your focus from your ex and put your energy into you.
Ask empowering questions and “flip it”
Ask yourself questions that will help to shift your focus by flipping the situation on its head. Ask questions like:
Your answers might be as simple as being able to eat fish fingers for tea (or cook with ginger in my case!), or it might be that you can start planning that holiday that you always dreamt of, but that your ex refused to contemplate. Or perhaps you have learnt that you have some amazing friends and family who have really got your back.
Tell your story differently
How do you tell your story? Do you see yourself as a victim of your divorce? Do you tell your sad story over and over again?
If this is you, then every time you tell the story, you reopen the wounds. Even eleven years on, if I try hard enough I can tell my story in a way that makes me feel sad. You have a choice about how you tell your story, so choose instead to talk about your story in a different way, so that it empowers you and makes you feel strong. What have you learnt? What are you proud of yourself for achieving? Have you done anything new? I remember the first time I mowed the lawn after my ex-husband left. I had been putting it off for weeks, but finally managed it and I felt really proud! To put this into context, this wasn’t a small patch of grass, but a 100 ft stretch of not-very-well-looked-after grass, on a slope – mowing it was no easy feat.
As I always say to clients, it isn’t what happens to you that matters – it’s what you do with what happens to you. These are some of the techniques I used myself when I was getting divorced, so I can vouch that they really do work.
Get in touch
Claire is one of the UK’s first accredited specialist Divorce Coaches, a former lawyer, and Advanced NLP Practitioner. She is based in the Bristol area.
You can get in touch with Claire at www.claireblackcoaching.com or call 07722 007528
The post Stowe guests: Handling difficult emotions during and after divorce appeared first on Stowe Family Law.
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Author: Stowe Family Law
