Author: Matt

Today, most people get married because of how they feel. They fall in love with one another, decide they can’t spend life apart and choose to get married. This has been dubbed the “marriage of feeling.”

It has certainly not always been this way. As much as we romanticize this idea now, the “marriage of reason” has been more common over human history. People did not get married because they were in love but because of the advantages of the marriage.

This is easiest to see with royalty, as they often married as a way to secure peace between two countries. The people getting married may never even have met, but the marriage wasn’t about them. It was about creating allies.

Even with commoners, though, marriage often happened for practical reasons. Two people may have land next to each other and decide to marry in order to join their properties. Parents may look for partners for their children based on what religion they followed. Historically, women often wanted to marry men because they needed them for financial support, while men want to get married because of the need for offspring.

While this still happens today, things have changed. The marriage of feeling is far more common, and many people feel like it sounds very unfair and wrong to get married for any other reason.

The issue with the marriage of feeling, though, is that it is only bound by those feelings. With no practical reason to be married, couples who fall out of love may want to end the union. When they get divorced, it’s important to know about the legal options they have.

The divorce process is complicated and stressful, which often contributes to mistakes that you end up regretting in the future.

Fortunately, with the right approach to divorce, you can avoid mistakes that cause you trouble. Here are some of the many mistakes that have the potential to sneak up on you:

• Neglecting to create a property division checklist: Property division is always a top priority during divorce, as you want to secure all the assets you’re entitled to. A checklist can help keep you on track, while also making note of which assets are joint and separate.
• Putting your children in a compromising position: Your children are going through the divorce process as well, so do your best to protect them. Don’t put them in the middle, such as by forcing them to take your side against your soon to be ex-spouse.
• Forgetting to plan for the future: There’s so much going on in the here and now, that you may lose sight of the fact that there will be life after your divorce. Now is the time to plan for your new life, such as by creating a post-divorce budget and thinking about where you want to live.

When you avoid these divorce mistakes, among others, it’s easier to feel good about the steps you’re taking and where you’ll end up when everything is said and done.

The key to success is understanding your legal rights and the best way to protect them. With this approach, you’ll have the confidence necessary to deal with anything that comes your way.

When determining your child custody schedule, one thing to keep in mind is that it may not last forever. Your child’s needs will change in the future, and it may become necessary to alter or update the plan to account for that. Many parents fail to do so, and it can lead to some complications.

For instance, maybe your child is five years old and just starting school. It makes sense for them to live with you all week, since you live near the school, and to go stay with your ex on the weekends.

Fast forward ten years, though, and your child is now 15. They love spending time with their friends. It’s very important to teens, and their friends are like a second family.

However, with your schedule, your teen isn’t able to spend weekends with their friends. Your ex lives two hours away. Your child has to go live in a town where they have no friends. They feel lonely and it seems to them like they get back to school every Monday just to find out what they missed.

When your child was young, the plan worked. As a teen, it makes them feel miserable. It still makes sense for you as a parent, but does that mean it is still in your child’s best interests?

If you do want to change the custody schedule, you need to get your co-parent’s agreement or ask a judge to order the change. Either way, the custody agreement needs to be updated to reflect any changes. Talk to your attorney about your what steps to take.

Even if you are confident in your ability to get along with your ex-spouse, don’t assume that you’ll never disagree with them when co-parenting your children. This is likely to happen at some point. When it does, it’s critical that you take the right steps.

When co-parenting disagreements become the norm, it’s easy for stress to bog you down. When that happens, you may find that you’re not giving your children 100 percent.

Here’s what you should do if you can’t seem to escape the cycle of arguing with your ex:

• Fall back on your parenting agreement: As a legally binding court order, it should provide you with guidance as to what you both should and shouldn’t be doing.
• Talk it out: If you’re not on the same page as your ex, it’s difficult to even consider sitting down and having an honest conversation. However, if it’s for the sake of your children’s well-being, it’s a must.
• Don’t put your children in the middle: As your disagreements and arguments continue, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using your children against your ex. Doing so only causes more problems, while also putting unnecessary stress on your children.

You shouldn’t expect everything to go smoothly when co-parenting after divorce. Despite your best efforts, there will be times when you disagree and argue.

However, if this has become an ongoing problem, you need to take immediate action. You may determine that requesting a modification of your custody agreement from the court is the best way to proceed. Your attorney can help you.