National Frozen Yogurt Day

Menchie's frozen yogurt with fruit

I like to think we run a tight ship here at Interesting Thing of the Day. We have a master spreadsheet of national/international/world/galactic whatever days (some official, most not), carefully compiled by our staff using a proprietary method that sometimes involves up to a full minute of casual web searching per day. So when the spreadsheet says National Frozen Yogurt Day is on February 6, well, that’s what we put on the site. Except…I could have sworn we already celebrated it back on (checks notes) yep, June 3 of last year. We reasonably jumped to the conclusion that this celebration was supposed to happen in June because said date appeared on a bunch of different calendar sites. However, as further research has shown, the evidence weighs more strongly in favor of today, given that such authoritative sources as the International Frozen Yogurt Association, Yogurtland, and TCBY all say it is. And because lots of FroYo shops are giving out free or discounted frozen yogurt today.

All of which means we are inadvertently responsible for eating—and encouraging the rest of you to eat—frozen yogurt on a day that was not appropriately sanctioned.

Well, I feel just terrible about that, as you can imagine. How will I ever deal with the guilt and shame? Well, I’ll tell you how: I’m going to drown my sorrows in a big ‘ol bowl of frozen dairy product with lots of toppings. I might even have to add an extra cherry in penance.

And, fair warning: this isn’t the last time you’ll read about an ambiguous “holiday” date here—indeed, it’s not even the last time you’ll read about it this month. I just hope there’s enough frozen yogurt to get us through all this uncertainty.

Image credit: Menchie’s Frozen Yogurt [CC BY-SA 3.0], from Wikimedia Commons


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Author: Joe Kissell

In re marriage of Anka and Yeager

(California Court of Appeal) – Affirmed monetary sanctions against a family law attorney for disclosing information contained in a confidential child custody evaluation report. However, reversed the order for sanctions against the client.


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After the decision is made: navigating your emotional well-being by Lee Lam

In this instalment of Stowe guests, we are joined again by Lee Lam who runs a business consultancy and personal coaching business. Lee works with a variety of different clients, personal and business, as an advisor, consultant and coach through four key programmes.

Lee Lam works with the Stowe office in Esher and today joins us with a follow-up to her article on how to make the decision to move on from a relationship with advice on how to help your emotional well-being once the decision has been made.

A lot of focus is put on your decision, deciding if the relationship can be saved and if not, are you strong enough to do what needs to be done. After that point, there is a void between something finishing and something starting, and you feel in limbo both practically and emotionally. You receive a lot of support or opinions from others but how do you respond?

No-one has the right to know anything

Curiosity about your situation can show as concern or support but you have the right to tell others only what you want them to know. No matter how close they are to you, only you will know the details and it is worth remembering, so you don’t feel overly emotionally exposed. It is important to find your genuine sources of support – these are the ones who don’t ask questions but sit and listen.

Keep your internal self-talk consistent

There will be times when you question your decision – when it gets too hard, or too complex. If you assume that you made the best decision you could at that time, then when you feel yourself wobble, you can bring it back down to the consistent thread of reasoning. Why did I make the decision? What were the circumstances that led me there? Have they changed in a way that makes me want to rethink my decision? This self-talk should not force you to keep to the decision but rather offer you a few questions that check that your decision holds. This is different to panicking and wanting to retreat into the safety of what you knew. This is about calming your self-doubt enough to feel confident that it is still the right decision to make.

What do you want your children to see?

You are a critical role model to your children and during separation this becomes important. They look to the two of you for how to act and behave and how to interpret what is happening in the context of their self-identity. The questions that you are asking of yourselves are the ones that they are asking and finding a way to explore the answers honestly and authentically will help them feel their way. Conversely, seeing yourself as a role model for your children can also help you gain some clarity and confidence over the situation. You find that you have far more resilience and capacity for strength than you may have realised.

Are you triggering other people?

There is always a ripple effect when a change to the status quo happens to your families or friend circles. Because it is forcing a change that others may not want to accept, they try to influence you through guilt. They ask why you are putting yourself /partner /children /family through this. They question whether your relationship was really bad and could it have been salvaged. They ask things that you have been asking yourself and so you can’t dismiss or answer it. But their response is about them, not you. It may be contrary to their beliefs around relationships, marriage or parenting.

Everyone has the right to an opinion, but when that opinion becomes a judgement that is not healthy. It may have shone a light on their own relationship that they are unwilling to acknowledge. If this is someone who you relied on, this is hard. But it is not healthy for you to be around them until they have recognised that the situation is not going to change and that your decision doesn’t have to impact their choices (unless they want it to).

Finding consistency in both your choices and your boundaries helps you and those around you adjust to your new future.

The post After the decision is made: navigating your emotional well-being by Lee Lam appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: Stowe Family Law

Wife fails to prevent arbitration award being put into effect

Since 2012 parties to financial remedy proceedings have had the option of having the dispute dealt with in arbitration, rather than by the court (arbitration was subsequently extended to include dealing with children disputes). There are a number of reasons why they may choose arbitration, for example that it is quicker than having the court deal with the matter, as we will see in a moment. However, arbitration does, of course, rely on the critical fact that the parties agree to be bound by the arbitrator’s award, as obviously arbitration would be a pointless exercise if the award was not binding. To ensure that the award can be enforced, it is usually made into a court order.

But what if one of the parties is not happy with the arbitrator’s award?

This was the situation in the recent case BC v BG, in which the wife was seeking an order that an arbitral award not be made into a court order.

I don’t need to go into much detail regarding the background facts in BC v BG. Briefly, the parties started cohabiting in 1998, had two children in 2000 and 2001 and married in 2006. They separated in 2016 and the children live with the wife. Divorce proceedings were issued, and the husband made a financial remedies application in November 2016. The application was listed for hearing in February 2018, but the hearing was ineffective because the case could not be accommodated by the court. It was re-listed for the 10th to the 12th of July, but that hearing was also ineffective, because the judge was unavailable due to sickness. Not wanting to wait several more months for a new hearing date, the parties agreed to go to arbitration.

The arbitration took place on the 11th and 12th of July, and the arbitrator made his final arbitration award on the 2nd of August. He divided the net capital 60:40 in the wife’s favour (in part because the parties, who both needed to rehouse themselves, had unequal mortgage capacities), awarded maintenance to the wife, and made a pension sharing order (which was in the terms agreed by the parties).

The wife was not happy with the award, and so didn’t want it to be made into a court order. She put forward four arguments in support of her case:

  1. That the maintenance award, which was for the maintenance to be reduced over time, meant that she would not be able to raise a mortgage. This was not accepted by the judge – the parties knew that such an award was possible, and in any event it did not necessarily mean that the wife would be unable to raise a mortgage.
  2. That the husband had failed to disclose that his pension contributions were voluntary, not obligatory. In relation to this, the judge found that even if the husband had made this disclosure, it was unlikely that the overall outcome would have been materially different.
  3. That the arbitrator fell into error in his application of the law, by failing to attach proper weight to a declaration of trust that the parties had entered into prior to the marriage, stating that the former matrimonial home was owned as to 58% by the wife, and 42% by the husband. Without going into the technical detail of this, the judge found that the arbitrator had not fallen into error, as the declaration of trust, which had been entered into five years prior to the marriage, was not a pre-nuptial agreement purporting to deal with the division of the parties’ capital upon the breakdown of their marriage.
  4. That the arbitrator fell into error by failing to take into account excessive spending and debts incurred by the husband, as alleged by the wife. The judge did not agree, accepting the arbitrator’s view that these debts did not represent wanton and reckless dissipation of assets by the husband.

In the circumstances the judge held that the wife had failed to satisfy the court that it should not make an order giving effect to the award. The husband was entitled to an order giving effect to the award.

Further to this, and acting as a warning to anyone considering not accepting an arbitral award, the judge made an order that the wife pay the husband’s costs of her application, in addition to her own costs, which amounted to some £21,000.

You can read the full judgment here, and if you require further information regarding arbitration in family cases, see here.

The post Wife fails to prevent arbitration award being put into effect appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: John Bolch

Power Napping

Power nap/guided siesta

Siestas revisited

I recall being unenthusiastic about taking naps as a child, much to the consternation of my parents. Fortunately, as with so many other childhood dislikes, that attitude disappeared as I got older. By the time I was in college, I had realized naps were among the most wonderful things in life, right up there with chocolate and computers. I love a good nap.

As much as I enjoy napping, though, it’s easier said than done. For a number of years, my job involved sitting behind a desk in an office all day, and my employers would have frowned upon my spending any portion of the workday asleep. And so I conquered the early-afternoon sleepies with caffeine instead. These days, it’s my kids’ school schedules more than anything else that interfere with a good afternoon nap. But I always felt that countries where siestas were common had it right: people tend to get drowsy soon after lunch, and when they’re drowsy, they’re less effective at their jobs. If, instead of suppressing the urge to sleep, we give the body what it wants, we end up being more alert and more productive.

So I’ve been delighted in recent years to notice that this message is finally getting through to businesses in industrialized countries. All it took was a change in terminology. No longer do we take catnaps; instead, we take power naps. Unlike “dozing off,” which is presumably involuntary and thus a sign of laziness, power napping is deliberate and thus a sign of responsibility. People take power naps to enable them to get more work done and endure longer work hours, things employers tend to like. Although I’m not a fan of long workdays either, I’d certainly rather work long hours with a nap than without.

Nap Time

The term “power nap” was coined by James Maas, a psychology professor at Cornell University. In his 1997 book Power Sleep, Maas made the case for napping as a legitimate tool for enlightened businesspeople, parents, and anyone else with a busy schedule. Numerous studies in recent years have shown that napping can be amazingly effective in improving alertness, memory, and overall cognitive performance, not to mention one’s mood.

However, opinions among sleep researchers differ when it comes to the ideal length for a power nap. Twenty minutes or so seems to be a popular length—it’s long enough to be demonstrably effective without allowing you to fall into deep, REM sleep, from which it can be harder to awaken. On the other hand, some studies suggest that an hour-long nap, including a REM phase, may be much more effective, proportionally speaking, than a half-hour nap. But if you awaken during a particularly deep part of the sleep cycle, the nap can have the opposite of the desired effect, making you feel groggy for hours afterward. And if your nap is too long, it can also prevent you from sleeping properly at night. The solution is to experiment and find the nap length that works best for you. Ideally you’d time yourself so that you wake up at the end of a natural sleep cycle, but because most of us can’t precisely control the moment at which we fall asleep, this is tricky to do without the use of expensive monitoring equipment. (Personally, I’d find a 20-minute nap break almost useless, because it often takes me nearly that long to fall asleep in the first place.)

Power napping can help to overcome sleep debt, making it feasible for some people to sleep fewer hours at night than they normally would. However, experts warn that napping shouldn’t be considered a substitute for a solid night’s sleep. While any given person may need more or less than the 8 hours dictated by conventional wisdom, even power naps can’t keep a person healthy and sane with only a few hours’ sleep per night. (Polyphasic sleep may be a way around this constraint, but it relies crucially on several carefully spaced naps during the day!)

Putting the Power in Power Naps

Nothing could be more natural than sleeping, but judging by the numerous power-napping gadgets that have appeared on the market, you shouldn’t try this without technological assistance. You might start with recordings of soft music and soothing voices guiding you into, and out of, your nap. Or, move up to audio with embedded binaural beats, which help to coax your brain into quickly achieving a restful state. You can buy apps that create audio sleep sessions on your smartphone or tablet. And if your office chair isn’t comfy or private enough for a nap, you may be able to find a nearby MetroNaps EnergyPod—a sort of lounge chair with a large bubble over the head to reduce outside noise and light. Slip into the chair, put on the noise-cancelling headphones with soft music playing, and you’re all ready for a 20-minute power nap. Of course, this nap will cost you more than lunch, but just think how much more money you’ll make with a clear head.

As for me, when I decide to rest in the afternoon, it usually turns out to be a literal catnap. That is to say, as soon as I lie down on the couch, my cat cuddles up with me. After licking my neck for a few minutes, she’ll fall asleep, and shortly thereafter, so do I. When she’s decided I’ve slept long enough, she starts meowing. It’s an admittedly low-tech approach, and the cat’s snooze alarm feature is unreliable. But there’s just nothing like a power catnap to improve my energy level and my spirits.

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on November 1, 2006.

Image credit: foam [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Flickr


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Author: Joe Kissell

World Nutella Day

Nutella on toast

At one company I worked for, I took it upon myself to bring in bagels and cream cheese for the other employees every Friday. It just seemed like the right thing to do. One day I brought in a jar of Nutella, as an option for people who wanted something different on their bagels. This seemed to me to be an uncontroversial move, and indeed I assumed most people would react joyfully to the presence of this delicious condiment.

But one coworker, who shall remain nameless, said, “What’s that?” He hadn’t heard of Nutella. I told him it was a hazelnut-chocolate spread. “Yuck!” he said forcefully. I was…puzzled. I said, “Do you not like hazelnuts?” He said he did. “Do you not like chocolate?” He liked that too. He also liked peanut butter. And yet, somehow, a spread made by grinding a different sort of nut and combining it with another ingredient he liked struck him as disgusting. I just… I mean… ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I can’t even.

Today, on World Nutella Day, don’t be that guy (even, and especially, if you are in fact that guy).

Image credit: Janine [CC BY 2.0], via Flickr


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Author: Joe Kissell