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Author: Penniless Parenting
3 Ways to Make Extra Cash for a Working Mom
Do you find yourself running low on cash but it seems as if all you do is work? You could find many ways to make an extra income that does not require hard labor. It can be hard for mothers to find time and energy to work another job to
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Author: Penniless Parenting
An introduction to mediation and collaborative law
Whether your marriage is months, years or decades old there may come a day when you and your partner decide it is time to go your separate ways. There can be many reasons behind this, or just a single reason. Either way, if you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are communicating well before and during the split, your divorce could be a candidate for alternative dispute resolution. “ADR” is not right for everyone, but it could be a good option for many approaching a divorce case.
Alternative dispute resolution is an umbrella term for collaborative divorce processes. Mediation is one of those divorce processes, in which a negotiation between the parties is facilitated by a neutral third-party, but not decided by that third-party. It allows the parties to speak directly with each other in order to communicate and to come to a resolution that they both can agree on. Negotiating often goes on between the parties, but they may include their own counsel with them during these mediation conversations.
If you and your partner are completely unable to get through a conversation without aggression or a breakdown in communication, mediation probably isn’t for you. However, many are able to communicate in a civil manner and mediation can be a great process by which a couple can help to decide their divorce resolution. This can be extremely helpful for child custody and parenting plan decisions that can be a factor in many divorces.
Understanding what process is right for you during a life-changing event like a divorce can make a huge difference in your personal experience and, potentially, the final outcome. It is up to you and your spouse to decide how to proceed. Obviously, both parties would need to agree in order for a mediation and collaborative law divorce strategy to be a viable and successful option.
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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law
Dealing with an intractable children dispute, Part 2
Following on from my post yesterday, I now turn to the second Court of Appeal decision from early April concerning an intractable children dispute: L (A Child), which concerned an appeal by a mother against an order transferring the home of the child from that of mother and maternal grandmother in London, to that of father and the father’s new partner in Northern Ireland.
The appeal was heard by the President of the Family Division Sir Andrew McFarlane. As he explained in the first paragraph of his judgment, the appeal concerned the approach to be taken in a case which, on the judge’s finding, falls short of attracting the labels “intractable hostility” or “parental alienation” (but nevertheless could certainly be described as an “intractable dispute”).
The facts of the case were that the parents separated some six years ago, when the child was two years old. He went to live with the mother and maternal grandmother, and he had had his main home with them since that time. In words sadly very similar to those of Lord Justice Jackson in yesterday’s case, the President explained that the child has been the subject of litigation in the Family Court since 2013.
In 2016 the court made an order by consent that the child should live with his mother, but providing for regular time with his father every third weekend in England, and for substantial periods in Northern Ireland during the school holidays.
In 2017 the child gave an interview to the local police in which he made assertions which, if true, indicated a lack of sufficient sexual boundaries in the father’s home. The matter was investigated by the court and in May 2018 His Honour Judge Tolson QC dismissed the allegations upon which the mother relied and found “to a very high standard of proof” that there had been no sexual or physical abuse by the father of his son. The child had been put up to say things to the police. The allegations, however, tainted all that followed.
The father applied for a change of residence. The application was heard by HHJ Tolson, who handed down judgment on the 3rd of December last. He noted various matters, including that Cafcass officers had outlined similar concerns since the litigation began. For example, a Cafcass officer had reported in July 2017 that they had significant concerns that the child was “caught up in a very acrimonious dispute between his parents and that inevitably he must be picking up on this.” Six months later another Cafcass officer reported that the child “described his mother entirely positively and his father entirely negatively.” Yet another Cafcass officer said that the child “was being emotionally harmed from the parental conflict”. Judge Tolson found that the mother and maternal grandmother had influenced the child against his father albeit, as indicated above, not to the degree that could be labelled “parental alienation”. He held that maintaining the placement with his mother and grandmother would not meet the child’s emotional needs and would cause him emotional harm in the future. He therefore concluded that the balance of advantage lay in a move to Northern Ireland.
The mother appealed to the Court of Appeal, arguing that the decision to transfer residence was premature, that the court had failed to ascertain the child’s wishes and feelings, and that the judge’s conclusions in respect of the balance of harm (i.e. between staying with the mother or moving to live with the father) were arguably wrong or insufficiently evidenced.
Before dealing with these three arguments the President made an important point. It has often been said that a transfer of residence is a “weapon of last resort” for the court to use when the primary carer is frustrating the wishes of the court. The President said that there was a danger in placing too much emphasis on the phrase “last resort”. He said that the test is, and must always be, based on a comprehensive analysis of the child’s welfare and a determination of where the welfare balance points in terms of outcome. Use of phrases such as “last resort” cannot and should not indicate a different or enhanced welfare test.
As to the child’s wishes and feelings, the President found that, in the circumstances of the case, the child’s Guardian had made the decision that to ask the question and to put this eight year old boy on the spot of expressing a choice would itself be emotionally harmful. Nevertheless, the Guardian had ensured that his voice had been heard “loud and clear” by the judge.
As to the arguments regarding balance of harm and prematurity of the decision, the President said that it may have been that the decision to move the child was finely balanced, but, as is well known, finely balanced welfare decisions are not susceptible to a successful appeal. It was not possible to say that the Judge was “wrong” in fixing the balance as he did in this case. The decision was not premature, as concern about the impact on the child of being at the centre of parental conflict was identified as long ago as 2013.
In short, the mother’s arguments had not been sustained. Accordingly, her appeal would be dismissed.
As I indicated at the beginning of my post yesterday, I believe that this case has useful things to say about intractable disputes between parents over arrangements for their children. It shows that the failure of a parent to address the court’s concerns can tip the balance in favour of a change of residence. And in particular it demonstrates once more that parental conflict must be cast aside, and the welfare of the child put first.
You can read the full judgment here.
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Author: John Bolch
Llívia

A little piece of Spain in France
As an American, I’ve always felt a bit embarrassed at my limited grasp of foreign languages. I have friends in Europe who speak four or five languages fairly fluently, and they rightly boggle when they hear that most Americans are monolingual. But for complicated historical, cultural, and political reasons, that’s just the way things turned out. However, I did take French classes in high school (and picked up quite a bit more during the years I lived in France), studied linguistics as a grad student, and picked up a handful of phrases in half a dozen other languages here and there, all of which probably makes me slightly less clueless as a tourist than many of my compatriots. I usually know at least enough to recognize which language I’m listening to. Years ago while driving through Europe, we stopped at a gas station in Austria near the Italian border, and when we asked for directions to a certain castle, the clerk’s response included French, German, and Italian words in the same sentence. I got the general drift of what he was saying, but I marveled at how intertwingled the languages had become in this border region.
All sorts of interesting things happen around international borders, especially when those borders are not clearly defined. While looking at France and Spain in an actual printed atlas (remember those?), I saw something I’d never noticed before: a tiny region in southern France surrounded by what appeared to be an international border, but without any label whatsoever to tell me what it was. Andorra, a small country that straddles the border between France and Spain, is nearby, but this little blip was farther east in the Pyrénées and clearly something different. The light bulb went on shortly thereafter when I was reviewing my list of suggested topics readers had sent in: someone wanted to see an article about a curious place called Llívia. That was the blip! Due to a series of weird historical, geographical, and linguistic flukes, an entire Spanish town ended up completely within the borders of France. But that’s just the beginning of the story.
All Around Town
Officially, Llívia is considered a Spanish enclave within France. It’s a small town of about 5 square miles (13 sq km), situated less than a mile (about 1km) from the Spanish border and connected to the rest of Spain by a single, small road. The town’s official website lists its current population as 1,456, though I’ve seen considerably lower and higher numbers. Whatever Llívia’s population may be, it’s historically important that it be considered a town rather than a village.
Llívia was a strategically important area as far back as the time of the Roman empire, and was considered the capital of the region known as Cerdanya, which includes portions of modern-day France and Spain. But it wasn’t until 1528 that Roman Emperor Charles V (known in Spain as Carlos I) formally designated Llívia a town—apparently more for reasons of history than of population. This decision was to prove momentous a little more than a century later, when France and Spain signed the Treaty of the Pyrénées and thus settled the dispute over the border between the two countries that had been the cause of decades of war. According to the terms of the treaty, the border was to run primarily along the main crest of the Pyrénées, and all villages north of that line were to become part of France. Spain insisted that, according to the letter of the law, Llívia must be excluded from French rule because it was not a village but a town—and that’s why Spain continued to control a parcel of land entirely inside France.
Llivid About That Border
In 1868, the border between the two countries was finally surveyed and delimited explicitly with a series of bordermarkers, numbering in the hundreds, including 45 just for Llívia. Most of these markers are simple chunks of stone, numbered consecutively and marked with “LL” on the Llívian side and initials representing the nearest French village on the French side; a few markers were made by carving numbers and letters into existing rocks. Locating and photographing these markers with the aid of maps or GPS has become a common tourist pastime.
Despite the seemingly conclusive nature of the bordermarkers, and despite the fact that Llívia is just a stone’s throw from the Spanish border, the two countries have tangled over the details of the border numerous times, with little pieces of land going back and forth according to the terms of the most recent lawsuit. One conflict involved the short road connecting Llívia to the rest of Spain: it was supposed to be neutral, but a certain French road crossed it. Each country felt its citizens should have right of way at the intersection, and ignored the other’s stop signs. Eventually an overpass had to be built, at Spain’s expense, to make the issue moot. At another, smaller intersection, a similar conflict was resolved by constructing a roundabout.
Que Parla el Català?
Good information about Llívia in English is hard to come by, though you can find some coverage on the web in French and even Dutch. When I first visited Llívia’s official website, though, I assumed it would be in Spanish. The text had a familiar look to it, but some of the words appeared to be Spanish while others appeared to be French. It took me a while to figure out that I was actually looking at neither Spanish nor French, but rather Catalan, one of the three official languages of the region of Spain known as Catalonia. Catalonia, which also encompasses Barcelona, is one of Spain’s 17 autonomous communities, with its own government and police force and considerable latitude to function, in many respects, independently of the nation as a whole. Thus, culturally speaking, Llívia is more of a Catalonian enclave than a Spanish enclave. (Times have changed since that first visit, by the way—the website is now also available in English, French, and yes, Spanish.) There’s now a popular movement pushing for Catalonian independence from Spain, which—if it ever takes off—could make Llívia’s status ambiguous once again.
Modern Llívia is scenic and quaint, known regionally for its annual music festival in August and a museum that contains Europe’s oldest pharmacy. You can stay in a three-star hotel and, during the colder months, enjoy good skiing nearby. If you happen to be passing through the Pyrénées, be sure not to miss it. (Helpful hint: going north, take the first right at Andorra and follow the signs…assuming you can figure out what language they’re in.)
Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on June 12, 2006.
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Author: Joe Kissell
Site of the Week: Trial Lawyer Resource Center
It seems to me that one of the trends we will see in legal blogging is an emergence of group blogs. After all, really significant well thought-out blog posts can take some time to craft and a lot of really…
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Author: Jim Calloway
Oklahoma Bar Journal’s Management and Technology Theme Issue Offers Lots of Great Reading
The November issue of the Oklahoma Bar Journal was a special Management and Technology-themed issue and I was the guest editor. As events unfolded, I ended up writing a lot of it myself. A Lawyer’s Guide to Mobile Computer Security…
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Author: Jim Calloway
Site of the Week: Risky Biz
Suzanne Rose of Tennessee (and Suzanne Rose Consulting) started her blog recently, but swore me to silence for a while. Time’s up, Suzanne. Risky Biz dervives its name from the idea that running a law firm can be risky. It…
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Author: Jim Calloway
Why Not Let Children Choose Their Own Names?
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Coping with divorce and depression
Marriage break-ups can often be followed by periods of depression and anxiety for divorcing husbands and wives.
And no wonder. The end of a long-term relationship can spark a range of emotions and fears for the future. It is important to remember that this is completely normal. You will have good days and bad days, just as everyone else does.
Below, we have detailed five tips that will help you to build resilience to navigate the process of separation. And remember, marriage takes two, and if one person is unhappy the other will suffer. Try to shift your thinking from “it’s the end of the world” to “it’s the beginning of the new.”
Feel your feelings
Feeling emotions helps you deal with them. It’s completely natural to feel sad, disappointed, angry, scared… sometimes all in one hour. Do not shy away from them. Burying these feelings leads to bitterness and you will not move forward. Don’t carry the undealt negative emotions into the next stage of your life.
Stop thinking you are a failure
Divorce can rock your self-esteem and self-worth. Whatever the circumstances, you will ask yourself, what went wrong? Was it my fault? Am I not good enough? However, remember this is your bruised confidence talking. Of course, your self-esteem takes a hit when a relationship ends, but the way to fill the hole left by divorce is through acceptance of and kindness to yourself. Learn to believe in you again.
Surround yourself with support
Identify your support network and talk to them. This is the best way to stop yourself from becoming isolated. Connect with friends and family who are supportive and boost your mood. This is not the time for judgement. Often people who have been through a break-up themselves and know what you are going through can offer useful advice.
If you prefer to talk to people you do not know, then seek out a counsellor or local support group. There is a list of useful contact numbers at the end of this article.
Meet a new side of you
You are no less by being single. You are just not part of a couple which is okay. Often, in a long-term relationship, you can lose a part of your identity which is normal, but you were your own person before and you will be again. Think about what you like doing but stopped because married life took over. Return to them again, or think about what you have always wanted to do and give it a try.
Be kind to yourself
Take time to do something purely for you. Think about what you enjoy, such as a long walk, a soak in the bath, get out running, practice yoga, read a book or bake for friends and family. Also, remember to cover the basics: eat well, get plenty of sleep and rest when you need to.
Getting help for depression
If you’re struggling with the emotional aspects of separation and are concerned about depression and anxiety there are some useful contacts below. Please do seek professional help and support.
Mind Information, advice and support on all aspects of mental health
0300 123 3393
NHS Provides information on what depression is, its causes, how to spot the signs, where to get help, and treatment.
Samaritans Provides confidential emotional support for those experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including suicidal feelings.
116 123 (Freephone number)
SANE A national helpline offering emotional support and information to anyone affected by mental illness.
0300 304 7000
Hopeline UK Non-judgmental support and advice for children and people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide.
Call: 0800 068 41 41 / Text: 0778 620 9697
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Author: Stowe Family Law