What are the signs that mediation is not working?

Deciding to go through with a divorce is only the first decision you will make in the process. 

Perhaps you have already made one decision, and that is to avoid going to court for your divorce. If you are using mediation to end your marriage, you know that this process involves you and your spouse working together through each issue. Maybe you think you can handle this on your own, but what do you do when you feel like mediation isn’t working?

Is it time to give up?

Mediation is successful when both parties resolve to work out their differences and reach a fair settlement. With a trained mediator guiding them through the tough issues, many couples arrive at an agreement they can live with and one that often lasts longer because of the time they put into it.

However, this process does not work for every couple. Some signs that mediation isn’t working include:

  • You and your spouse are stuck on one issue, and you keep going in circles without coming to a resolution.
  • You find the conversation veering off course to unrelated matters, wasting valuable time.
  • Hours have passed, and you and your spouse have not settled a single issue on your agenda.
  • One of you is using your time in mediation to re-hash old wounds and vent about the reasons the marriage is ending.
  • One of you is not cooperating with the process or is unwilling to continue after a frustrating first session.

Sometimes, the first few hours of mediation are difficult, and it is natural for tempers to flare as you work through delicate and emotional matters. However, if you or your spouse is under the misconception that you would win every dispute and obtain every demand, perhaps mediation is not the right method of divorce for you.

Maybe you thought you could handle this on your own, and now you are looking for sound legal advice to help you determine whether to continue with mediation or head to court. It’s not too late to reach out to a Texas legal professional with experience in successful divorce mediation.


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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law

Gaiman

Sign outside the Ty Gwyn tea house in Gaiman, Argentina

New Wales in Patagonia

Argentina has no shortage of bookstores. In some of the busier shopping districts of Buenos Aires, it’s not unusual to see half a dozen of them in a single block—all apparently doing brisk business. We visited many of these when we traveled there, and showed uncharacteristic restraint, leaving with just a few books altogether. Of course, the selection of English-language books was typically limited, though you could find Spanish translations of nearly any major English book you could name. For example, I picked up a Spanish copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. On the copyright page, it said that this book was also available in Latin and Welsh translations. The Latin bit surprised me: I can’t think of anywhere other than Vatican City where Latin is still used conversationally, and I don’t expect many folks there are keen on reading stories about wizards and witches. Welsh, on the other hand—that can certainly constitute a reasonable market, especially in Patagonia.

Looking for New Wales

In the mid-1800s, many residents of Wales felt their territory, culture, and language were being overrun by the English. Realizing they were hopelessly outnumbered, a group of them decided to look for a place far away where they could transplant a piece of Wales and control their own destiny. Patagonia offered a familiar climate and an appropriately remote location, far from English influence. So in 1865, 159 settlers, led by Rev. Michael D. Jones, sailed aboard a ship called Mimosa and landed in a sheltered bay on the coast of Argentina known as Golfo Nuevo. They initially set up residence in a port town that came to be called Puerto Madryn, but soon thereafter most of the colonists moved about 100km (60 miles) to the south, building several small towns along the Rio Chubut—one of the few fertile regions in this part of Patagonia. Among these towns are Rawson, the provincial capital near the coast; Trelew, a hub of commerce and transportation about 20km (12 miles) to the west; and a further 16km (10 miles) inland along the river, Gaiman.

Although Gaiman was originally founded by a Pennsylvanian named David Roberts, it eventually achieved notoriety as the largest Welsh settlement outside Wales. Today, the town’s population numbers less than 5,000, but a large percentage of these people are direct descendants of the original colonists. Public signs are in Spanish and Welsh, and the Welsh language is still taught in the public schools. Here in the heart of Argentina, it’s not at all unusual to encounter people with names like Williams, Davies, or Jones—perhaps even with red hair—who speak Spanish with a Welsh accent and not a bit of English. Locals still proudly recall a visit by Diana, princess of Wales, in 1995.

Tea, Anyone?

Gaiman’s biggest tourist attraction, by far, is its tea houses. Here you can have a traditional afternoon tea with a large selection of pastries. An English couple in our group couldn’t wait to tell their families about the experience, as it was something they’d never actually do at home. Other major attractions in the town include the Primera Casa, a stone house built by Roberts in 1874 (still intact but with a new, corrugated metal roof), and a brick chapel built in 1880. The town also hosts an annual festival of choral music and poetry called Eisteddfod, where you can hear both Welsh and Argentinean folk music.

Of the roughly 500,000 people in the world who speak Welsh, roughly 1%, or 5,000, live in Patagonia. Of these, the vast majority are bilingual, and in fact few speak Welsh as a first language. But today, as in the earliest days of the Welsh settlements in Patagonia, a group of dedicated citizens is working hard to maintain and revitalize the Welsh language and culture in this remote area. And if that requires help from a couple of Harry Potter novels, well, it’s all in the service of a good cause.

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on January 27, 2005.


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Author: Joe Kissell

National Cocktail Day

Cocktails

We have covered numerous national whatever days here where the whatever was a specific type of cocktail, such as a martini or a margarita. Today, it’s bartender’s choice. Mix potable liquids in whatever manner strikes your fancy, optionally garnish with a complementary fruit or vegetable, and consume in moderation. Me, I’m sort of feeling like a gin & tonic, although I definitely do not look like a gin & tonic. Perhaps if I stuck a wedge of lime behind my ear…

Image credit: Pixabay


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Author: Joe Kissell

Water Freezing and Boiling Myths

Boiling water

Legend, science, and common sense

Chemistry was one of my favorite classes in high school. I remember on one occasion, our teacher gave us all a very strange and difficult assignment. It was a list of “real-world” questions to which chemistry could presumably provide the answers, and we were given several days to figure them out, with complete freedom to consult libraries or any other available sources to get the information. One of these questions had to do with the freezing point of water. I no longer remember the exact wording, but the gist of it was that if you had two wooden buckets of a given size, one containing hot water and the other containing cold water (with precise temperatures specified in each case), and if you exposed said buckets to an air temperature of such-and-such, which one would freeze first? The obvious answer, of course, would have been the one with colder water, which led us to believe that this must be the wrong answer. However, it was not sufficient to provide the correct response; we had to justify the answer based on our knowledge of chemistry. Well, despite a great deal of research—and bear in mind, this was back when research meant looking at books rather than searching the web—I came up empty-handed. I left that one blank, and to make matters worse, I happened to miss class on the day the assignment was discussed, so I never found out the solution to this mystery.

Years later, I was to discover that there are a number of urban myths about the boiling point and freezing point of water, with “hot water freezes faster” being just one of them. I scoured a bunch of websites, and came up with contradictory information. But this is not, after all, rocket science—there’s no reason I should have to live with uncertainty about something so easily demonstrated. So I decided to conduct my own experiments and find out for myself. Although I didn’t have a wooden bucket handy, I did have a freezer, a stove, some water, and a digital thermometer. I’ll tell you the results of my experiments in just a moment. But first, here are some of the interesting claims about water I found.

  • “Hot water freezes faster than cold water.” Most experts say that, all things being equal, cold water freezes faster. However, things are not always equal. A curious phenomenon known as the Mpemba effect can, under some very specific (and poorly understood) circumstances, result in hotter water freezing faster than colder water. One of the numerous possible explanations for this effect involves evaporation: if you start with extremely hot water, a good bit of it will evaporate, and a smaller quantity of water will freeze faster than a larger quantity. (Evaporation is also endothermic, reducing the water’s temperature further and faster.) And so, according to chemists, this one is not a myth, but it works only if you get the initial conditions exactly correct. This is presumably what my high school chemistry assignment was getting at.
  • “Previously boiled water freezes faster than regular water.” Notwithstanding the previous explanation, water at room temperature that was once boiled, according to some experts, should freeze faster because the dissolved oxygen has been removed.
  • “Previously boiled water boils faster than regular water.” Likewise, previously boiled water at room temperature should boil faster than water that has never been boiled, for the same reason it freezes faster (less dissolved oxygen).
  • “Cold water boils faster than hot water.” If hot water freezes faster, maybe cold water boils faster! Again, this defies common sense—and again, say scientists, it’s simply wrong. Hot water from the tap should in fact boil much faster than cold water. However, using hot water for boiling does not actually save any energy. You may use less gas (or electricity) on the stovetop, but your water heater will have used the same amount of energy to heat the water in the first place. (If you use solar energy to heat your water, of course, that’s a different story.) Some water heaters may introduce additional sediment into the water, giving you another reason to consider starting with cold—at least, if time is not of the essence.
  • “Adding salt to water raises its boiling point.” Chemically speaking, this is a verifiable fact. Salt does raise water’s boiling point (and lower its freezing point—which is why home ice cream makers use rock salt). But the real question is whether this makes it take longer to get to the boiling point (and, for that matter, how far above 212°F/100°C it will get). Despite what you read in cookbooks, scientists claim that the amount of salt you’d typically add to a pot of boiling water is too small to make any meaningful difference in the boiling time or boiling point.

So, given what I knew should happen, here’s what actually occurred in my experiments.

Freezing Water: I started with three identical glass containers, each holding 100ml (about 3.5 fl. oz.) of filtered water: one at room temperature (72°F/22°C), one at the same temperature as my hot water tap (115°F/46°C), and one boiling (212°F/100°C). I put all these into my freezer, which had an air temperature of 0°F (–18°C). I knew that the water would not turn from liquid to ice all at once, and I puzzled over when to consider the water “frozen”—when the first ice crystals appeared, when the water was completely solid, or what? I eventually decided on an arbitrary standard for frozenness: the time at which a wooden chopstick dropped into the center of the container would no longer touch the bottom, meaning the water was mostly but not entirely frozen. I checked each of the containers every five minutes. The results? The room-temperature water froze in 50 minutes. The hot water froze in 80 minutes. And the boiling water froze in 95 minutes. My verdict: no contest—not even remotely close. Given the conditions in my freezer and the water I used, I was unable to reproduce the Mpemba effect.

I also tried a container of previously boiled water, now at room temperature. It froze in 60 minutes—more time (not less) than the unboiled water had taken, but not by much.

Boiling Water (Hot vs. Cold): I put a liter (about 34 fl. oz.) of water at room temperature in a pan at room temperature and set it on a high flame. It boiled in 6 minutes. I then cooled the pan back to room temperature and put in a liter of hot (115°F/46°C) tap water. With the flame unchanged, the hot water boiled in 4 minutes, 30 seconds. My verdict: hot water does boil significantly faster, just as you’d expect.

Boiling Previously Boiled Water: I put a liter of water that had previously been boiled, now cooled to room temperature, into a pan at room temperature. With the flame unchanged from the last experiment, this water boiled in 6 minutes, 11 seconds. My verdict: essentially the same as water that hadn’t been boiled.

Boiling Water (with salt): I added a generous 2 tablespoons of table salt—much more than most people would ever use for boiling pasta or vegetables—to a mere 1 liter of water. It boiled in 6 minutes, 33 seconds (versus 6 minutes for unsalted, room-temperature water) and reached a temperature, according to my thermometer, of 216°F (102°C). So clearly the salt had an effect, but not much of one—and this was with an uncommonly high concentration. My verdict: Add salt to water if you want to season it, but don’t expect it to make any significant change in the water’s boiling time or temperature.

Now, I freely admit that my kitchen is no laboratory, and that any number of variables could have influenced the outcome. My measurements may have been imprecise. My freezer may have had uneven zones of warmer or colder air. My glassware may have been contaminated. And so on. But whatever may occur under ideal conditions in a laboratory, when it comes to freezing or boiling water in an ordinary kitchen, common sense prevails.

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on April 16, 2005.

Image credit: Scott Akerman [CC BY 2.0], via Flickr


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Author: Joe Kissell

OK Day

OK stamp

I’ve always been a huge fan of the word OK, and I was fascinated to read its history in Allan Metcalf’s book OK: The Improbable Story Of America’s Greatest Word. It first appeared in print on this date in 1839 (with the spelling “o.k.” and an explanatory note indicating that it was short for “all correct,” which is to say the slang spelling “oll korrect”), so OK is 180 years old today!

Yes, a lot of people have taken to spelling it “okay,” which is a pity because it breaks the word’s etymology, apart from being a waste of two letters that could undoubtedly be put to good use somewhere else. Today, in honor of this noble word’s heritage, just cut it out…OK?

Image credit: Pixabay


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Author: Joe Kissell

The basics of a paternity suit

In Texas, when a man gets a woman pregnant, this does not automatically give the man paternal rights to the child. Unlike married couples where there is the presumption that the husband is the father of the child, an unmarried father needs to establish paternity.

There are two major reasons to initiate a paternity suit. One is for the mother of the child to obtain child support. By legally establishing paternity, the father of the child will be required to provide financial support for the child. The other reason is for the father to maintain a legal relationship with the child. This is especially true in situations where unmarried parents are no longer together.

A paternity suit will ensue if the parents cannot agree on paternity. This typically results in a blood test being ordered. Depending on certain factors involved in the matter, one or both parties will be required to pay for it. In most cases, the costs are shared. If the test indicates that the man is the father, then child support, custody and visitation issues can be addressed. If the parities cannot come to an agreement on these matters, then the court will intervene and make a decision.

The basics of establishing paternity may seem straight forward, but paternity matters can get complicated. Thus, it is important that unmarried parents dealing with this and any other type of family law issue understand what rights and options they might have. This not only protects their individual rights but also the best interests of the children involved.


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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law

Herriott v. Herriott

(California Court of Appeal) – Affirmed the issuance of mutual restraining orders in a case where a divorced, elderly couple had been involved in a series of incidents. The husband had appealed from the restraining orders.


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The honeymoon is over…

Most marriage vows refer to ‘til death do us part’ but sometimes they barely last past the honeymoon (Britney famously had her first marriage annulled after just 55 hours).

So, as the press start to claim that the infamous Mrs Hailey Bieber (nee Baldwin) has called in divorce lawyers after just six months of marriage to Justin, I started to think about the issues people face that want to divorce so soon after the big day.

Interestingly, if the couple were to commence divorce proceedings in the UK, the first stumbling block would be the fact that they have only been married for 6 months.

In the UK, you must be married for at least 1 year before you can file a divorce petition.  The only option you have prior to that is an annulment and there are only a handful of scenarios where that would be applicable.  For example, Hailey would have to prove that one of them did not consent to the marriage, for example due to duress, or that one of them was suffering from a mental disorder or venereal disease, or that the marriage had never been consummated.

The length of a marriage is an important factor in any divorce proceedings and this would be something to consider when looking at whether there should be any sort of financial order in this case.

In this situation, the couple are both celebrities and no doubt have their own significant personal wealth.  It is highly likely that they may have prenuptial agreements, particularly as these are very popular in the United States. However, if they have not and were getting divorced in the UK, then the Court has a wide discretion when deciding how to divide their assets, though inevitably arguments over assets being held pre-marriage would carry significant weight.

Consideration would be given to the fact that they do not have any children together and they are both financially independent.  If Hailey was not a global supermodel and had a very young baby, then she could be looking at a reasonable financial settlement to help her with her future as a single mother.

Another factor may be that she made financial sacrifices by entering the marriage and may need to be compensated for the same. This compensation does not necessarily have to mirror exactly what was sacrificed prior to or during the marriage as ultimately, they are both adults and both decided to enter a relationship with each other. However, if it was difficult for Hailey to move forward on her own then it could be reasonable for her to have some form of financial support in the short term.

If you have recently married and are concerned that you have made a mistake, I would recommend that you seek legal advice about what the consequences would be if you start divorce proceedings.

Alternatively, you can contact Relate, a charity specifically designed to assist couples that are going through relationship difficulties.

 

The post The honeymoon is over… appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: Victoria Clarke

A week in family law: Divorce reform, troubled families and a judicial reprimand

Another fairly quiet week in family law. Perhaps there is something else going on. Whatever, I have found these three stories.

Firstly, as I reported here yesterday, new research published by the Nuffield Foundation argues that the proposal by the Ministry of Justice (‘MoJ’) for no-fault divorce is fully consistent with international trends. Indeed, the report finds there is an international trend away from requiring any ground at all. Sounds good to me. The report examines what lessons can be drawn from the experience of divorce law reform in eight comparable jurisdictions: Austrailia, California, Colorado, Finland, Germany, New Zealand, Spain and Sweden, and finds that there is an international trend towards recognition that a divorce must be granted where one of both parties insists that the marriage is over. The aim of the report is to explore how divorce procedures that are similar to that being proposed here work in practice in other jurisdictions, to inform the MoJ’s policy process as it unfolds. The MoJ says that it will announce how it intends to reform the legal requirements for divorce ‘very soon’, so whether the report will actually make any difference at this late stage is a moot point. Nevertheless, as I said, the report makes fascinating reading.

And next a little bit of good news, or so it would seem. It has been reported that the Government’s Troubled Families Programme has reduced the number of children in care. Troubled Families is a programme of targeted intervention for families with multiple problems, including crime, anti-social behaviour, truancy, unemployment, mental health problems and domestic abuse. Local authorities identify ‘troubled families’ in their area and usually assign a key worker to act as a single point of contact. Central Government pays local authorities by results for each family that meet set criteria or move into continuous employment. £448 million was allocated to the first phase of the programme, which ran from 2012 to 2015. Local authorities worked with around 120,000 families, and ‘turned around’ 99%. However the independent evaluation of the programme found no evidence that the programme had made any significant impact across its key objectives. The second phase of the programme was launched in 2015, with £920 million allocated to help an additional 400,000 families. The second phase will run until 2020. New analysis of the 2015-2020 programme in a report from the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government suggests that the programme is cutting numbers of children in care by up to a third. The analysis compares families involved in the scheme to a control group which was not given the specialist help. The report states that: “The most striking finding is that the programme appears to have reduced the proportion of looked-after children”, adding: “2.5 per cent of the comparison group were looked after compared with 1.7 per cent of the programme group, a 32 per cent difference for this cohort at 19 to 24 months after joining the programme. The impact on those on the programme is likely to have huge benefits to children’s lives, contributes to managing children’s social care pressures and provides significant savings.” Whether all of this is as good as it sounds, I’m not sure.

And lastly, I have often wondered what makes anyone want to be a family court judge, in these days when the majority of litigants coming before them are unrepresented. No disrespect to litigants in person, but they must make the job of the judge more difficult, and at times more frustrating, particularly when the judicial workload is so high. It therefore comes as no surprise to see that a family court judge has been reprimanded by the Judicial Conduct Investigations Office (‘JCIO’) for speaking to an unrepresented party in a family case “in a sarcastic and condescending manner”, and banging her hand on her desk in frustration during a hearing. The judge expressed regret, but the JCIO decided that her behaviour “failed to demonstrate the standards expected of a judicial office holder”, and issued her with formal advice. Obviously there is no excuse for this behaviour, but perhaps we should spare a thought once in a while for the pressure that our judges are now having to work under.

Have a good weekend.

The post A week in family law: Divorce reform, troubled families and a judicial reprimand appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: John Bolch

Geysers

Old Faithful

Fragile spectacles

Last summer my family and I took a vacation that included a visit to Yellowstone National Park, famous for its wildlife and extensive hydrothermal features. We ogled the stunningly beautiful Grand Prismatic Spring, walked past smelly mud pots, and delighted in the gorgeous formations of the Mammoth Hot Springs. But the highlight of the visit was the chance to get close to some of the incredible geysers that Yellowstone is known for, including Steamboat Geyser (the world’s tallest active geyser) and the relatively punctual Old Faithful.

Plumbing the Depths

Geysers are quite unique among geological formations, the product of extremely rare circumstances. For a geyser to become active and stable, four conditions must be met. The first thing required is a geothermal heat source, most often provided by underground volcanic activity. Second, there must be a reservoir of water available. Third, a geyser requires a certain kind of rock, most often silica-rich rocks such as rhyolite or ignimbrite. This type of rock, when exposed to water, can develop the pressure- and water-tight seal that is necessary for the proper functioning of a geyser. The fourth requirement is a constriction in the geyser formation near the surface, which allows pressure to build up below it until the geyser erupts.

When only some of these conditions are met, other phenomena occur, such as hot springs (heat, water, and rock, but no constriction), fumaroles (steam vents that do not have enough water to erupt), and mud pots (fumaroles that emerge into a wet environment, creating mud at the surface). However, if all the necessary conditions occur simultaneously, a geyser may form and remain active over long periods of time.

The life cycle of a geyser begins when water seeps into the ground from the surface (because of rain) or from underground reservoirs, eventually sinking deep enough to reach a layer of hot rock. This water is slowly heated and gathers at the bottom of the geyser channel, while colder water enters the channel from above, and sits on top of the warmer water. The pressure of the cold water prevents the warm water from boiling, although it continues to become super-heated. When the pressure becomes too great, the hot water turns to steam and pushes the colder water out of the channel. This reduces the pressure further, producing even more steam. This whole cycle can take 500 years, which means the water rushing from a geyser today may have fallen as rain during the 16th century.

Geyser Downfalls

Old Faithful is one of the most famous geysers in the world, getting its name from its consistent schedule; it erupts on average every 91 minutes. Every geyser has its own schedule, based on its unique conditions, but this schedule is not set in stone (as it were) because geysers, including Old Faithful, are vulnerable to changes in the environment that may affect their activity. Even slight changes to the water supply or the rock formation can adversely affect the fragile balance of a geyser. Some are caused by natural processes, such as volcanic activity, but increasingly, geysers are threatened by human interference.

It is estimated that there are only 1,000 geysers in the world, half of which exist in the geyser-perfect environment of Yellowstone. Other countries with large numbers of geysers concentrated in a single area are Iceland, Russia, Chile, and New Zealand, and individual geysers exist in Peru, Bolivia, Mexico, Dominica, the Azores, Kenya, and Japan. One of the greatest threats to geysers is the diversion of their underground water sources, most often in connection with the creation of geothermal power plants. Such is the case in New Zealand, where the Wairakei geyser field on its North Island was devastated by the creation of a nearby power plant in 1958.

Of course, geysers can become dormant for many reasons, and their fragility is part of their rarity; it takes a lot to create a geyser, and just as much to keep it going. They are truly scientific marvels, and worthy of being protected as much as possible, not only for their entertainment value, but for what they tell us about long-term geological processes. Although it’s thrilling to stand next to Old Faithful while it erupts, it’s even more thrilling to imagine that this spectacle has been 500 years in the making.

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on November 29, 2006.


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Author: Morgen Jahnke