Month: February 2019

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Stowe guests: Top tips on how to tell the children you are separating by Turner & Johnson Mediation

In this instalment of Stowe guests, we are joined by Sheila Turner from Turner & Johnson Mediation.

Based in central London, Sheila Turner and Philippa Johnson offer families a professional and sensitive mediation service, working alongside other professionals including legal advisers, as appropriate, to help couples to identify alternatives to going to court.

Today we are joined by Sheila as she gives some valuable advice on how to tell the children you are separating and what to say afterwards.

There is no question this is a really difficult conversation to have; you are probably dreading it. Nothing will make it ‘easy’ but here are some guidelines that should help to make it a less traumatic experience for all of you.

Most importantly tell your child together

If you have more than one child tell all the children together as an entire family – even if you want to be a million miles away from your co-parent you need to show your child that you can still present a united front. Every time you want to convey a piece of information always start the sentence, “Dad/Mum and I have discussed ************** and we both think that we should try ******”. It helps children to deal with their changing circumstances when they feel that both parents have made the decision to separate.

Discuss with your ex-partner a clear and simple narrative explaining why your relationship has broken down and stick to the agreed narrative. Too many details will only muddy the waters and can often be information overload. However, the older the child the more questions you will be asked. Try to be as honest as possible without criticising your co-parent as the child will take this criticism personally and hear it as criticism about them.

Explain that you are still both your child’s parents and that just because you will be living in two separate homes that doesn’t mean that you are not still a family. Your child’s sense of family is really important.

Keep information short and concise.

Your child will not want to hear the emotional bits around the edge. He or she will only be interested in what is happening to them. Much better to answer questions as they come up rather than bombard your child with too much information. You should expect to have many more conversations with your child over the coming months – stick to the agreed narrative whether you are together or on your own with your child.

Make sure that you say very clearly that this is a grown-up problem and not in any way the children’s responsibility. You may well feel that an honest narrative involves blame – but blame won’t help your child, who needs to love and respect both of you and if blame is flying around your child is most likely to blame him or herself.

It is OK to say that you don’t know the answer to a particular question but you will need to reassure your child that once a decision has been made WE will talk about it with you.

Let your child deal with the conversation as they want to.

Be prepared for an emotional response and acknowledge that this is a very difficult time for everyone – equally, it may be that your child closes down and doesn’t want to talk to you about their emotional response then and there. That too is OK. Take your lead from the child.

It is normal for children to want their parents to be back together. They might engineer occasions when this happens, poor behaviour at school, the school calls both parents in to discuss, mystery illness etc. The sooner you can get to a good working co-parenting relationship so that your child knows that you are working together for them, the better.

If you are considering mediation, as part of the mediation process children aged 10 and over (and sometimes younger) are invited to speak to a specially trained family mediator, to discuss how they are feeling, if anything can be done better or what might be difficult for them. With the child’s permission, the mediator will feedback to the parents the messages that their child wanted the mediator to pass on. In our experience children enjoy these meetings; many say that they liked being given the chance to explain what is important to them.

Sheila Turner
Turner & Johnson Mediation

sheila@turnerjohnsonmediation.co.uk

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Author: Stowe Family Law

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Judge bemoans lack of legal aid in complex children cases

As I reported here on Friday, last week the Government published its long-awaited review of the effects of the legal aid cuts introduced in 2013. To deal with the problems identified in the review an additional £8 million of funding was announced. But that is little more than a sticking plaster to cover the gaping wound caused by cutting £350 million per year from the legal aid budget. The problems will continue.

Those problems were highlighted in a judgment published just one day after the review: the judgment of Mr Justice Williams in R (A Child: Appeal: Termination of Contact).

The judgment concerned an appeal by a father against orders made in child arrangements proceedings in relation to his 12 year old son. In particular, the father was appealing against an order that he have only indirect contact with his son.

The case was complicated. It had a long history, stretching back to 2013. It involved findings against both parties, including serious findings against the mother, the most serious of which was that she had alienated the child from his father, as a result of which the child had suffered and/or remained at risk of suffering from significant long-term emotional harm. It also involved the local authority, and expert evidence from a clinical psychologist. There had been five ring binders of evidence at the hearing from which the appeal was made. If all of that were not enough, the case had an added complication in that the mother is profoundly deaf, and had to be assisted at court by both a deaf intermediary and two British Sign Language interpreters.

The judge in the court below had ordered that the boy should live with the mother, and that he was only to have indirect contact with his father by means of the father sending letters cards or gifts by post once per month for six months, and thereafter fortnightly. The judge also ordered that the father could not make any further applications without the leave of the court.

The father appealed against these orders, to the High Court.

Neither the father nor the mother could afford legal representation at the hearing in the High Court. They were, however, both represented by barristers acting ‘pro bono’, i.e. without charge, which led Mr Justice Williams to say this:

“That counsel for the father and for the mother should appear pro bono in such a complex case as this is in the finest traditions of the legal profession. Up and down the country, counsel, solicitors and legal executives fill the gaping holes in the fabric of legal aid in private law cases because of their commitment to the delivery of justice.”

He went on:

“Without such public-spirited lawyers how would those such as the father and mother in this case navigate the process and present their cases? How judges manage to deliver justice to the parties and an appropriate judgment for the child without such assistance in cases like this begs the question. It is a blight on the current legal aid system that cases such as this do not attract public funding.”

And he concluded with a swipe at the stereotype so many people have of lawyers:

“So far removed from the stereotyped ‘fat-cat,’ the legal profession in cases such as this are more akin to Boxer in George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ always telling themselves “I will work harder.”

“It is a blight on the current legal aid system that cases such as this do not attract public funding.” So says a High Court judge. And yet nowhere amongst the measures set out by the government in its “new vision for legal support” published alongside the review is a commitment to provide legal aid for cases such as this.

And what happens if one or both of the parents is not lucky enough to secure free representation? It must happen. There is only so much that lawyers can do for free, and it is nowhere remotely near what used to be done under legal aid. The answer is that parents, and more importantly children, will not receive justice, as simple as that.

For the purpose of this post I need not go into the detail of Mr Justice Williams’ decision on the appeal, save to say that it was allowed. If you want all of the details you can read the full judgment here.

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Author: John Bolch

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Patagonia

Autumn colors of Patagonia

The great southern frontier

Several months before my wife, Morgen, turned 30 (that would be… let’s see… mumble mumble years ago), she decided that she wanted to celebrate that milestone by taking a grand trip that would be, in a sense, a sort of pilgrimage. No one has to twist my arm to talk me into going on vacation, especially if it’s to some exotic, faraway place. But I told Morgen that the decision where to go should be hers alone: my only input in the process would be smiling and nodding. “You tell me where you want to go,” I said, “and I’ll be there.” For a while she was thinking seriously about going to Spain and doing the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela. Then she started talking about Rome. After that, it was Australia, and for many weeks I thought she was leaning strongly in that direction. Then one day that summer she announced that she’d reached a final, irrevocable decision. “Where are we going?” I asked. She replied, matter-of-factly, “Patagonia.” I smiled and nodded and said, “Great!” And then I thought for a moment and added, “Where’s Patagonia?”

For a great while thereafter, virtually every time I told friends or family about our two-week trip, they had the same reaction. “Patagonia? Oh yeah, the clothing brand. You mean it’s an actual place too? Where is it?” Had I myself not been entirely ignorant about Patagonia just a few months before embarking on our trip, I would be incredulous that such a huge place—and one so full of stories—could be unknown to so many otherwise intelligent, educated North Americans and Europeans. Patagonia is in fact chock-full of interesting things—people, animals, plants, customs, natural wonders, and amazing stories—and having had a small taste of it in person, I’m delighted to be able to share some bits of that here on Interesting Thing of the Day.

Where Patagonia Is

Patagonia is the southernmost portion of South America. Its exact northern boundary is somewhat vague, but it begins somewhere in the vicinity of 40° south latitude, or roughly where the Rio Colorado cuts diagonally across the continent. Patagonia extends all the way to the tip of the continent—encompassing, by most accounts, Tierra del Fuego and the many smaller islands up to and including Cape Horn. The western quarter or so of Patagonia is in Chile; the rest, to the east of the Andes mountains, is in Argentina.

Patagonia is an immense region; its area of about 400,000 square miles (1,000,000 sq. km) makes it well over twice the size of California. And trying to describe Patagonia is very much like trying to describe California—do you want to hear about the deserts, the mountains, the valleys, or the coast? The cities or the rural areas? The wildlife or the politics? With so much to describe, generalizations become difficult. One thing you can say with certainty, though, is that Patagonia is sparsely populated—it has a total of roughly 1.5 million inhabitants (compared to California’s 34 million), of which the vast majority live in large towns. Depending on whose estimates you believe, sheep outnumber humans by at least 5 to 1, and perhaps as many as 20 to 1. And one of those sheep contributed the wool for that Patagonia-brand sweater you have in your closet.

The name “Patagonia” was once thought to have been derived from a Spanish expression for “big feet”—a supposed reference to the proportions of the area’s original inhabitants, described by early European explorers as “giants.” But the generally accepted etymology is that the word Patagonia actually comes from Patagon, the name of a giant in a Spanish novel called Primaleon—apparently a favorite of Ferdinand Magellan’s.

The Stuff of Legend

Magellan, of course, lent his name to the strait that separates mainland South America from Tierra del Fuego; he discovered the long-sought passage between the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific in 1520. Even three centuries later, though, when Charles Darwin set out on H.M.S. Beagle (under command of Captain FitzRoy), Europeans knew very little of Patagonia or its inhabitants; it was more of an inconvenient obstacle to sea travel than a place one might actually want to visit. The exotic descriptions Darwin brought back—especially his confirmation that the inhabitants were savage giants—reinforced in the minds of many Europeans the notion of Patagonia as being a desolate and forbidding place, far from (and perhaps unworthy of) civilization.

Partly because of its remoteness, Patagonia attracted its fair share of outlaws. Following a major heist in the United States, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid hid out in Patagonia for several years in the early 1900s. Pirates, too, found the busy shipping channels near Patagonia a lucrative source of business. (And, you remember correctly: the Dread Pirate Roberts himself was said to have retired there.)

As recently as the 1970s, English-speaking people in the northern hemisphere knew little of Patagonia. British author Bruce Chatwin almost single-handedly brought Patagonia into the popular consciousness with his best-selling 1977 book In Patagonia, a travelogue of sorts that is part autobiography, part fiction. Two years later his friend, travel writer Paul Theroux, wrote The Old Patagonian Express, detailing his attempt to travel by train from Boston all the way to the heart of Patagonia. These two books have inspired generations of travelers to discover Patagonia for themselves.

Far and Away

Today, Patagonia is a favorite destination for ecotourists and adventure travelers. Some go to see the vast expanses of steppes—desert-like plains that are constantly buffeted by strong winds and support only the hardiest plant, animal, and human life. Some are interested in the impressive glaciers descending from the Andes, or in the millions of nesting penguins along the coast. Still others are interested in the cultural anomalies, such as the Welsh colony of Gaiman, where you can always get a proper tea. And many tourists stop briefly in Patagonia on their way to Antarctica—a mere 600 miles (1,000km) or so south across the Drake Passage. But one of the biggest reasons to go to Patagonia, even for residents of northern Argentina, is its sheer remoteness: it is one of the last places on Earth that can still be called “one of the last places on Earth.”

Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on January 23, 2005.

Image credit: Justin Vidamo [CC BY 2.0], via Flickr


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Author: Joe Kissell

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Darwin Day

An 1869 portrait of Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin was born on February 12, 1809, making today his 210th birthday. Coincidentally, Abraham Lincoln was born on the very same day. So happy birthday to both of you, Chuck and Abe! But Lincoln’s birthday, along with George Washington’s, is celebrated on Presidents’ Day (next week), so today we observe International Darwin Day. Darwin, of course, was responsible for developing the modern theory of evolution and coining the expression natural selection. His contribution to science was of inestimable significance, and as for the religious literalists who still revile him, well…they need to evolve.

Image credit: Julia Margaret Cameron [Public domain]


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Author: Joe Kissell

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My Visit to the Book Stop for Free Books

Reading is one of my favorite hobbies.

There really is nothing like a good book. In my opinion anyhow.

One of the things that I miss most about living in the States is that locally we don’t have a good public library system. Some parts of the country have better than others, but where I live there is just a small public library, with no options of reserving books, no card catalog, and of


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Author: Penniless Parenting

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How to Make Your Princess Look Amazing as a Flower Girl Without Breaking the Bank

As one of the first in both my family and Mike’s family to have kids, my children were both flower girls and ring bearers at our siblings’ weddings. Here’s some tips from a reader on how to keep down the cost while not detracting from this special day.

Flower girls and ring-bearers are the cutest little munchkins that add sweetness to the uber-romantic event of a wedding. It is a little


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Author: Penniless Parenting

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How can a postnup protect your retirement accounts?

Getting married is an exciting time. And even if a marriage does fail, many are able to find love again and enter into another marriage. Because the chances of another divorce occurring the second time around is fairly high, it is important that these spouses take the time to understand ways they can protect themselves and their future, especially when it comes to their assets and retirement benefits.

How can a postnup protect your retirement accounts? Much like discussing a prenuptial agreement before marriage, bringing up a postnuptial agreement during a marriage is a difficult task. Nonetheless, it is an important topic to handle, especially when one remarries.

There are many reasons to get a postnup, one of them being to protect assets, property and retirement benefits. By entering into this marital agreement, spouses are able to lay everything out on the table, allowing them to see everything they have, whether owned solely or jointly.

And while a postnuptial agreement can address the many concerns one might have going into a second, third or even fourth marriage, it is always crucial to understand other documents that can add some protection. Because a person is remarried, it is vital to update one’s estate plan and will. If these documents are not updated, this could pose problems for a current spouse, such as the inability to enjoy certain benefits or inheritances.

Divorce can be a very messy and complex process. Even though the mere thought of ending a marriage is unpleasant, it is important to consider ways to protect oneself in the event of divorce. Those considering a postnuptial or prenuptial agreement should understand how these documents could benefit one in the event of a divorce.


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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law

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Stowe guests: Divorcing your mortgage by James Harris of J P Mortgages

In this instalment of Stowe guests, we are joined by James Harris of J P Mortgages

J P Mortgages is a whole of market independent mortgage brokers so clients can be confident that they will find the best the best mortgage deal available.

Today, James offers his expert advice on mortgage options when you are separating or getting a divorce

Divorce and separation can be a very stressful event. In the midst of all of this, you may ask: Where am I going to live?

Whilst things were going well, you may have bought a house with your partner and you may want to continue to live in that house – especially if you have children. But what do you do about your mortgage?

In an ideal world, you might keep your mortgage, or re-mortgage to get a better deal, whilst getting the house and the mortgage in your sole name. This is referred to as a Transfer of Equity – one person agrees to come off the property title, typically as part of a larger agreement, or in return for a sum of money. From then on, you would be the sole owner of your property. So, what’s stopping you?

Firstly, you’ll need to negotiate with the other party to the mortgage, possibly via your solicitor: Will they agree to come off the mortgage? How much money do they want for their share of the property? Will this affect any other agreements (i.e. maintenance payments). Speak to your solicitor about this before making an agreement. As part of these discussions you should determine how much you can borrow – after all, if no financial institution will lend you enough to take over the mortgage on one income, this will affect what you plan to do.

Once you have reached an agreement, you will need to get your mortgage sorted. This will take time, and there may be additional fees involved; taking someone’s name off a property requires a solicitor – and the solicitor representing you in your separation may not be able to act for you.

When applying for a mortgage, you may encounter some difficulties; the first of these is affordability. A joint mortgage underwritten on two incomes, may not pass the lender’s affordability test with just one income – even if you’re not asking for any more money, and even if you have been paying it on your own for some time.

The other big problem that some people have is credit scoring. Prior to separating, you may have had money worries, or built up big credit card balances, or perhaps you’ve kept your finances in good order whilst your partner has not. By taking a joint credit agreement (such as a mortgage) you’ve linked your credit files held by the Credit Reference Agencies, so even if you’ve kept your accounts in perfect order, if your credit file is linked to another file with a low score, this will drag your score down.

Credit scoring is a complex topic, but the key point is that it will take a long time to repair the damage done to your credit score – years perhaps. So if you’re re-mortgaging whilst separating, you will have to do so with your current credit file.

So how are you to solve these problems? Well, as a Mortgage Broker who has been giving mortgage advice for 7 years, I’d say: see a Mortgage Broker. If you’re not sure how to find one, or which is the right broker to use, talk to your solicitor – they will have had contact with Mortgage Brokers who have helped people in a similar situation to yourself and can recommend those who have helped their clients in the past.

There are over 300 mortgage lenders in the UK, and there is a huge difference in their rates, terms, and most importantly, their lending criteria: many lenders will not lend a mortgage that is more than 4.5 times your gross income (salary multiple), others may lend up to 6 times, or will use strict affordability instead of a salary multiple cap; many lenders have very low tolerance for missed credit card payments and defaults, others will lend to those with County Court Judgements, debt management plans, individual voluntary arrangements and even historic bankruptcies; some will use only the basic salary of the full-time permanently employed, others will lend to the self-employed, contractors, people on zero hour contracts and use overtime and bonuses to calculate if the mortgage is affordable. These are just some of the hundreds of things a lender will consider when they look at your application.

Every lender has a little box they like to fit their clients into – if you don’t fit into that box, they will not lend to you. An Independent Broker has access to lenders you’ve never heard of, a good broker can easily match you to a lender who is going to get you the mortgage you need, without you needing to spend days and weeks talking to every bank on the high street yourself.

In summary, sorting your finances out is just part of separating from your partner, and your mortgage is a big part of that. Obtaining a mortgage whilst going through a divorce can be complex and difficult, engaging the services of a professional as early as possible, can save you a lot of time, money and stress.

I’ve helped dozens of people in this situation during my career. Let’s look at the common thoughts of people in your situation.

Am I going to be on a very high rate?

That depends very much on your personal circumstances. A broker would first look at a high street lender to get you the best rates, if possible.  However, if your financial circumstances are not ideal, he may need to look at other options. If, for example, your credit history is in poor shape, he may need to put you with a higher-rate lender for several years, before arranging a re-mortgage to another lender after your credit file has recovered. Many lenders only look back a set time (24 months, 48 months etc) for any missed payments, defaults or other issues. So, after paying a higher rate for a few years, there may be much better options available to you.

I’ll just keep my current mortgage – I don’t need to borrow extra money.

If this is possible, it may be the best solution. However, even if the lender is not lending you any extra money, from their point of view, this reduces the security of their loan – they’ll go from having 2 people with separate incomes they can chase for the monthly payment, to only having 1. If you can meet all their lending criteria, they’ll almost certainly agree, but if you can’t (and it may take a long time to get a definite answer), then they won’t agree to it.

I don’t want to pay a broker to find a mortgage – I’d rather do it myself.

I wish you the best of luck! I say that with utmost sincerity; I’ve been a mortgage broker for years, and I’m constantly learning and sometimes asking other brokers for ideas with complex cases. I regularly attend workshops run by the lender’s representatives to keep up to date on their constantly changing criteria.

Ultimately, it’s a matter of time and money; A broker might need only 2-3 hours of your time during the whole process, and you could have your new mortgage in place in a matter of weeks. To research lenders and personally handle the application on your own, could take hundreds of hours – if you’re spending 2 hours every day on it, you might still be working at it 6 months later.

We’ll just write up an agreement with my partner – I’ll pay the mortgage and stay in the house.

In some cases, this might be the only option available to you. I’d advise talking to your solicitor about the ramifications of this before you finalise any agreement. From a mortgage lenders point of view, these agreements don’t absolve the other person of the mortgage obligation, and credit reference agencies don’t record them.

Or to put it another way; if your partner was the one living in the house and paying the mortgage, and you were moving out but were still named on the mortgage, would you want to buy a new house?

If you do, your credit file still says you’re named on a mortgage; failing to disclose this during an application will almost certainly result in a lender refusing your application. Many lenders will refuse to consider your application for (from their point of view) a second mortgage, those that do consider you, will include the full mortgage as a regular outgoing – even if you are not actually paying it.

Don’t assume everything will go smoothly – always talk to an expert.

Written by

James Harris of J P Mortgages

www.jp-mortgages.co.uk

4 The Crescent Adel, Leeds West Yorkshire LS16 6AA

Tel: 01132 677391 Mobile: 07912754191

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Author: Stowe Family Law

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Are the proposed divorce reforms just about changing timeframes?

When the news broke the other day that the Lord Chancellor, David Gauke, has confirmed that he will introduce legislation enacting no-fault divorce in the next session of parliament I tweeted a link to the story on Twitter. My tweet received a response suggesting that in the view of the tweeter the introduction of no-fault divorce will change little, save for the timeframes involved in getting divorced. I have heard this before, and suspect that it is a widely-held view. But is it correct?

To answer the question one obviously needs to look at the current law and the proposed new law. A look at the figures for the number of divorces granted per fact proven (I will explain this in a moment if you do not know what ‘fact proven’ means) will also not go amiss.

Let us begin with the current law. There is only one ground for divorce: that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. This will not actually change under the government’s proposals for reform. However, under the current law it is necessary to demonstrate irretrievable breakdown by proving one of five facts: that the other party has committed adultery and the petitioner finds it intolerable to live with them; that the other party has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with them; that the other party has deserted the petitioner for a continuous period of at least two years immediately preceding the presentation of the petition; that the parties to the marriage have lived apart for a continuous period of at least two years immediately preceding the presentation of the petition and the other party consents to the divorce; or that the parties to the marriage have lived apart for a continuous period of at least five years immediately preceding the presentation of the petition.

Note that fault is only attributable in relation to the first two facts. However, those two facts account for the majority of divorces. The most recent figures available are for 2017. In that year there were a total of 101,337 divorces granted. Of those 58,234 were on the basis of adultery or ‘unreasonable behaviour’, or a combination of both. In other words, some 57 per cent of divorces were fault-based.

There is one more thing to consider before moving to the reform proposals. How long does a divorce actually take? Well, it varies greatly, depending upon many factors, including how quickly the parties deal with the divorce (or how quickly they want to deal with it), and of course how quickly the court/divorce centre deals with it. However, if it is dealt with as quickly as possible I suppose it could go through within three months, although that is very unusual – three to six months is more likely, according to the latest figures. That figure includes a statutory minimum period of six weeks between the decree nisi and the decree absolute.

So it could be said that under the current law a divorce could in theory go through within three months of the ‘moment of breakdown’ if a ‘fault’ fact is proved, assuming that the ‘moment of breakdown’ is when one party decides the marriage is over and they want a divorce. On the other hand, if the only fault provable is five years separation it would take a minimum of five years from the moment of breakdown (assuming the beginning of the separation was the ‘moment of breakdown’ – it may not be) plus three months, i.e. five years and three months.

And what does the government propose?

It proposes that the five ‘facts’ be done away with, i.e. the petitioner will no longer have to prove one of them. A statement by one or both parties that the marriage has irretrievably broken down will suffice. However, the government believes that there should be a minimum timeframe for the divorce “to allow due consideration of the decision to divorce”. To achieve this they suggest that the period between decree nisi and decree absolute be increased to a minimum of six months.

So it could be argued that the reform will change the timeframes involved in divorce. And not just by reducing them, as in desertion and separation cases. For some it may actually take longer to divorce, if the six month ‘period for consideration’ is brought in. Assuming that under the new law it could still be possible to get a decree nisi within a month and a half of issuing proceedings, the minimum time for a divorce could be some seven and a half months, in all cases.

In summary, the minimum time for a divorce under the government’s proposed new system will reduce from five years and three months for a non-consent separation divorce, to just seven and a half months. On the other hand, the minimum in a ‘fault-based’ divorce would actually increase, from three months to seven and a half months.

But all of this is of course missing the main point of no-fault divorce. As we have seen, currently in 57% of cases petitioners are attributing blame for the marriage breakdown on the other party. They are doing this because they don’t want to wait two (or, worse still, five) years before they can issue divorce proceedings. And why should they have to wait?

So in nearly two-thirds of divorces we have the spectacle of blame. OK, in many cases the other party may not be too bothered about being blamed, or about the allegations of their unreasonable behaviour made by the petitioner. But in a lot of cases they will be bothered. This will make them less amenable to resolving other issues by agreement, such as in relation to finances and arrangements for children. It may even make them want to enter into the disaster that is a defended divorce. In both cases (issues not resolved by agreement and defended divorce) long, acrimonious, expensive and stressful contested court proceedings could ensue.

Attributing fault for the breakdown of the marriage can have awful consequences, not just for the parties but also for any children involved. And it is entirely unnecessary. As must now be clear to all, there is no need whatsoever to attribute fault for the breakdown of a marriage. So why not do away with it, and its consequences? That is really what the reforms are about.

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Author: John Bolch

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How to Find New Music You’ll Actually Like

Lifehacker Visit Site

By Nick Douglas

14,676 saves

Be friends with Lester Bangs/Vinyl Films

Some people can dig up great music like magic, or have friends inside the industry who keep them updated. Some people are contented with their weekly Spotify Discover playlist. But if you need more ways to find music, here are 50 ideas, taken from Twitter users, my colleagues at Lifehacker’s publisher Gizmodo Media Group, and some of my own habits. Some are obvious, some bizarre, some embarrassing, but they’ve all helped people find their new favorite song, or even their favorite band.

“Best Of” Lists

If you’re getting into a new era or genre, or if you just want to “be more of a music person,” you might enjoy a guided tour.

Music Review Sites

If you find a site whose taste matches yours, great! If not, you can still use these to just see what’s out this week.

  • Metacritic Music averages critical reviews, so it’s a good starting point, and shows you what’s controversial or universally acclaimed. From there you’ll find review sites like these:
  • “I check Pitchfork every morning to see what just came out; they publish 4-5 album reviews a day. I don’t really read it or care what they say too much. Pitchfork’s ratings are arbitrary!”—Joel Kahn, senior video producer at Lifehacker
  • Consequence of Sound uses a letter-grade system for reviews, and streams new tracks as they come out (sometimes before they hit Spotify or iTunes).
  • Needledrop keeps a running “loved list” of its favorite new songs. It’s a tight selection; this year’s list only has 13 tracks so far. (via Péter Szász, managing director at GMG Hungary)

The Rest of the Internet

The internet wants, very badly, for you to hear new music.

  • Each month, Bandcamp names the best new music on the platform, in varying genres. E.g., March’s best ambient music, or February’s best hip-hop. (via Maria Sherman, writer/editor at GMG)
  • You can dig deeper into Bandcamp by “tag surfing” from a band you like to others, or following the Bandcamp blog, says GMG developer Janos Hardi.
  • SoundCloud is similarly built for wandering; when you’re done with a track, it autoplays something else you might like. Find an artist you enjoy, then check out the tracks they’ve “liked.” Tag surfing works great here as well.
  • Pandora might show up in Google below the jewelry brand of the same name, but it’s still one of the best “custom radio” services. Just tell it an artist you like and it builds a new station. For less obvious results, plug in a band that you’ve only recently fallen in love with.
  • iHeartRadio is also still around, streaming radio stations (both old-school and niche digital-only) based on your genre preferences.
  • Tools like Gnoosic and Musicroamer work like tiny versions of Pandora or Spotify Discover, suggesting new music based on what you enter.
  • Spotify and Apple Music try to alert you to new releases by artists you already like, but their delivery systems kind of suck. (Just give me a playlist, and don’t clog it up with bands I “might like,” you weirdos!) But you can fix that with services like Album Reminder, MuzeRoom, muspy, Beathound, and Swarm.fm. They all offer different options for importing your listening history from iTunes, Spotify, or last.fm, plus options for manually entering bands to follow.
  • You might have a hard time getting your friends to gather for an in-person listening party, but you could probably coax them onto JQBX, where users synch up their Spotify playback in a virtual DJ room. You need Spotify Premium to use it, but JQBX also lets you import and export music to Spotify—plus its search function seems to work better than Spotify’s own. Lifehacker loves it.
  • If your workplace has a chat app, start a channel for sharing music. That’s where I got all the recommendations from my GMG colleagues, and it’s also where Nathan Edwards, senior editor at the Wirecutter, finds music: “Our work Slack has a music channel and there’s usually recs from people younger and cooler or older and wiser than me.”
  • Join last.fm, which tracks your music listens across different platforms, and you’ll have a centralized record of your listening habits, along with recommendations. I’ve had an account for over a decade, and sometimes I dig into the archives to find forgotten favorites.
  • If you’re still using Facebook, join some music-based groups, or follow the pages of specific artists. Music recommendation communities can be intimidating, but Facebook has a way of making it all feel accessible.
  • Apple Music, as everyone knows, sucks at algorithmic music recommendation. But its staff-curated playlists are intricate and reliable. For major artists, Apple supplements its “essentials” lists with “next steps,” “deep cuts,” and music that influenced or was influenced by the artist. There are even playlists of the best covers of certain artists.
  • Compilation streams on SoundCloud: On “Vintage Obscura Summer Mix 2014,” I found the Smiles original “I Am Just a Star on a Democratic Flag,” which you won’t find on Spotify or Apple Music. (You will find a beautiful, if less haunting, cover by Pink Flames.)
  • Compilation streams on YouTube: The internet is really into the stream “lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to,” stream. Gaming site Polygon even made a parody, lofi chill beats X hip hop study X waluigi. The 7clouds account runs 7 live streams of good background music.
  • /r/vintageobscura is the source for that summer mix; all entries are obscure tracks from 1900 to 1989. Most entries link to YouTube, home of all rarities. You’ll find more mixes and genre filters in the right rail.
  • NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series is a fun listen in itself, but it’s also a cool way to get a “live” introduction to an artist. Most of the concerts are 15-20 minutes, the correct length for a music set. If there’s anything wrong with discovering music this way, it’s that everyone sounds their best behind the tiny desk.
  • Similarly, the A.V. Undercover series brings in bands to play covers of famous songs, from a tracklist hand-picked by Lifehacker sister site the A.V. Club. If you like the “cheesy song played straight” trope, there’s plenty here for you—try Atlas Genius’s cover of Hootie and the Blowfish’s “Only Wanna Be With You.”
  • You probably already bump into covers when you’re looking for music. Try collections of covers of your favorite artists (Spotify probably has a cover for every Beatles song), to find groups that might have a different sound, but share your love of the first artist.
  • “Vice News Tonight has a tragically overlooked segment called New Music Corner in which they ask musicians to comment on new releases from other acts. This construct leads to surprising moments like Weezer discussing new tunes from Bjork and Kelly Clarkson, Yo La Tengo being baffled by a new David Byrne record, Andrew W.K. somehow finding glee in every scrap of recorded sound, or Liam Gallagher walking off the set for being subjected to modern music. Finally, a way to experience new music while watching Run The Jewels beef with Sheryl Crow.”—Rex Sorgatz, author
  • Subscribe to some music podcasts. Each episode of Song Exploder breaks down one song’s inspiration, composition, and production. That’s where I first heard Ibeyi and Mitski. It’s also a good place to rediscover older acts in a new phase of their careers.
  • “The podcast Reverberation Radio is just a weekly playlist. Most songs not on Spotify though,” says Beth Griffenhagen. There are currently 257 available episodes, and in each one, the music feels obscure, like something you heard in a dream.
  • Tumblr has tons of individual music blogs. The good ones—the ones with really obscure shit—can be tough to find. But search Tumblr for band names and dig around til you find a blog that matches your taste. You could start at naquelescaminhos, recommended by Jezebel writer Ashley Reese.
  • Late Night Tales: Each album in this compilation series is curated by a recording artist like the Flaming Lips or Belle and Sebastian. You’ll hear some rarities and deep cuts as the artists try to impress and surprise you. Here’s a sampler from Bandcamp.
  • Check out other releases from your favorite artist’s label. “Follow the labels on Twitter and they’ll tweet support for other bands and labels.”—Pat Cartelli
  • “See who your favorite artists are talking about. I’ve found that often people who work in music—those on top of their discovery game—learn about cool new shit before everyone else simply because they saw a musician they like tweet about it.”—Maria Sherman

Soundtracks

Music rating sites have to churn through everything as it comes in; soundtracks are curated samplers of one particular sound.

  • I first heard a lot of my favorite songs through my favorite TV shows. Some shows (like GIRLS, Atlanta, The Magicians, Divorce, and Mad Men) are just constantly playing bangers. “[Soundtracks] remind me of the poignant scenes they underscore, so the songs alone can elicit that same catharsis & blend of emotions,” says Lou McLaren. “Watch CW shows to hear what the teens are listening to,” says Alicia Adamczyk, personal finance writer at Lifehacker.
  • Same goes for movie soundtracks, which will have a narrower range of sound, but often their own original hits, like Black Panther, Call Me By Your Name, and anything from Wes Anderson.
  • And don’t forget video game soundtracks; sister site Kotaku fell in love with Far Cry 5’s in-game cult radio. The Grand Theft Auto series has always been a home for rarities by good bands. More instrumental soundtracks can make great work/study music. We’re fans of the soundtrack to 2d platformer Celeste, which combines piano, synth, and drums.
  • Look, I’ve not only googled the music from Apple ads, I’ve done it at least five times. Apple has a good ad agency! They pick the songs because they’re catchy! I’m not ashamed but I feel like I’m supposed to be! AppleMusic.info lists the music from Apple commercials from 1984 to 2017.

Spotify and Apple Music

There are loads of features beyond “Discover” for finding new music. And some of the best have nothing to do with algorithms.

  • Watch the social feed on the Spotify right rail, says Drew Olanoff. And dig through your friends’ public playlists.
  • If you haven’t searched Spotify for incredibly specific playlists, just to see if they exist, you’re missing the best part of the app. Start with the musical toyboxes we covered.
  • Listen to the thousand-song Spotify playlist of music from The Best Show, says Twitter’s jitka. This weekly comedy show plays a wide variety of new and old songs.
  • Search for Spotify Sessions, exclusive recordings from big artists. Apple Music also features exclusives on its Browse tab.

The World

Did you know music exists outside your computer?

  • Do you always hear good music in the local coffeeshop or bar? When the staff isn’t busy, they would probably love to tell you all about it. Like, you might get dragged into a music lecture. But really, just ask them.
  • Because everywhere else, where the staff didn’t pick the music, you’ll have to ask Soundhound or Siri. And usually that will work, but you won’t hear about all the other related shit. You won’t connect with a real human being, maaan.
  • You wanna connect? Show up at local shows. Or just make a habit of choosing a bar with live music—I get antsy at shows, so I like this low-commitment option, where the band complements the drinks and not the other way around.
  • The radio tends to be a terrible place to find new music; it’s the ultimate in “played to death.” But find your local college radio station, where the kids are more interested in impressing you than playing the hits.
  • Public radio is similarly unconcerned with hits, and if (like me) you’ve barely listened to it since the iPod came out, you’ll be happy to find that many public radio stations are diversifying from the old “classical and jazz” mix.
  • “I think the most underrated (and coolest) way to discover new music is to just see who your favorite acts are touring with, who they’re bringing on as openers. Like goddamn Lorde has Run the Jewels and Mitski out with her right now.”—Maria Sherman

This post originally appeared on Lifehacker.